Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)
I'm not afraid
Sorry it's over
I think it's the best thing for now
I'm taking the mem'rys
I don't want to leave them all behind
Some were good, some were bad,
Some were in between
But I gotta do whats right for me and
I'm not afraid
To walk away, let me go for the last time
Finally got it strait for the first time
I'm not afraid cuz I know he's there to meet me
So I'll be gone, I'll be gone but not alone
I hate how it happened
But it just wasn't supposed to be
Lets not talk about it
Cause always looking back won't change a thing
Leave the good, leave the bad and the in between
I'm gonna do what's right for me and
I'm not afraid
To walk away let me go for the last time
Finally got it strait for the first time
I'm not afaid cause I know he's there to meet me
So I'll be gone,
I'll be gone but not alone
It may not be easy
Cause at it's best life is still hard
But He is with me
And I am not alone
Not afraid gotta go for the last time
I got it strait for the first time
I'll be gone but not alone
Not afraid to walk away
Let me go for the last time
Finally got it strait for the first time
Not afraid cause I know he's there to meet me
So I'll be gone, I'll be gone
But I'm not afraid
To walk away let me go for the last time
Finally got it strait for the first time,
Not afaid cause I know he's there to meet me
So I'll be gone,
I'll be gone but not alone
I'll be gone but not alone
Whoa oh a oh oh
I'll be gone but not alone
I'll be gone
Be gone, be gone
My cats went to their new home tonight. It is a neighbor of my babysitte. He has a little boy. The little boy was soooooooooooo excited to get them. Which helped me a little. I already miss Zebbie. I always promised he I would take her wherever I went. But I think she will do well. Her new owner is a nice man who will love them and the little boy (Chase) is so happy. Teal just called me to let me know that Zebbie is hiding and they are letting her and Boots is checking the place out and playing with Chase.
Im getting really excited about moving.
We will have absolutely no money to spend on anything here in the States once we get to MX. If I keep the house and car and wait for them to sell then I would have to make payments on the loans and insurance. We will barely be making it as it is down there. Issac will do a great job of providing for us but it will be pretty tight. We have talked to a bankruptcy lawyer, and a credit specialist councilor and they both said our credit score will not follow us to Mexico or Canada. Also the credit counselor said that if it did happen that we could come back we could call her co. and they would help us figure something out given the situation. As an FYI the car is a Nissan Altima 2006 and I still owe 15,000. Iv only been paying on it less than a year. So the chance of selling it is slim.
Hay I need another address for now I am sending out the Hernandez Story to any one I can. I got 8 white envelopes from the post office, they are going t the white huse, Ellen, Oprah, 2 to Todd Akins and 2 to JoAnn Emerson. I will send these out to any one you can help me come up with at any time you can come up with a name. Please put it on here for me.... I want people to know that our country does not always stand for freedom as it states that it does. we talk and have wars to free people, I can't imagine not being able to go any where I want. please if you think of someone I can send a copy of let me know. I have lots of copies. I love you all. Mom
Then here is a response from my sister.
Not sure if this would help but you could try El Paso, Texas Mayor John Cook and Juarez Mayor Hector Murguia Lardizabal.
Here's some exceprts from an article I found:
El Paso Mayor John Cook and Juarez Mayor Hector Murguia Lardizabal embraced at the top of the bridge.
"Today is a historic day in the expression of friendship between two mayors, two cities and two countries. It is necessary for Washington and Mexico City to understand that our border doesn't separate us, it joins us," Cook said.
"Mexico is the most important country to the United States. They're not going anywhere ... if we build a wall it will set back relations with Mexico 100 years, and you can't blame them, they know what a wall means," said Neck, who described himself as a fifth-generation Texan.
Here's the whole article: http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSN2538602420070825
I know a lot of you know my daughter Amanda, She meet Issac while living in St Louis. She went there for more Schooling in the nursing field, I'm very proud of her getting her degree. She is a very hard worker and a fine Christian girl, God shared her with me, I am proud.... She meet a wonderful young man at her church in St Louis, they married , and they later had Alana. They may have lived happily ever after right there in the big city of St Louis, but , and there's always a but, right, well, Issac is from Mexico and they decided they wanted to make it right, so Issac turned himself in in prayer and hope to be able to become a US citizen, that's the way you should do it... He came here by crossing the boarder in Brownsville, he put a back pack on his back at 19 years old and walked across with collage students..... He later meet Amanda. Now all this young couple wanted was to do it all right. as Christians they were deeply in love and know they should marry, the wedding was Blessed by God, I know, I was there, of course, but I felt the power of God's presence there along with all there Church family and friends, it was beautiful. While waiting on all the paper work to be done, the church paid and become responsible for Issac and all seemed to be going well. Amanda became pregnant with Alana. They were in hopes that Issac would be there for the birth and not deported, but they picked him up on July 3, and he went willingly. Alana was born on the July 15Th, now I share this with you and others for prayer.. prayer is what God wants us to do, "talk to him" I know I do that, but not enough, I feel lead to ask others to pray. Truly pray. My daughter Amanda and her husband Issac have been apart now for 1 year 6 months. They paid an attorney, they have went through all the paper work. Because of the problems America is bringing up now days about illegal citizens, has cause them to not let Issac come here...the US has had this problem for a long time, it is just that now people are yelling about sharing our Country with others. People are people I understand that. My son in law Misses his wife and baby, Amanda and Issac have been able to get enough money for Alana and Amanda to go to Mexico several times, it is very expensive. Alana sees her daddy on the Internet most of the time, she Kisses and feeds her daddy now on a TV screen, I don't tell you this to feel sorry for her, I tell you this to explain that this is really happening, they live it, each and everyday... I'm asking for prayer, asking for you to share this with others for prayer. I have wrote our President, Joanne Emerson and even the Oprah show, only because It hurts to see such a fine young Christian family trying so hard to do all they can to be together. When you love someone and you can't be with them, we all have been separated from someone at some time, you actually can feel sick, very sick.... well this young family has decided that maybe if Issac can go to Canada, then Amanda and Alana can come there. Issac wants a better life and he desperately wants one for my daughter and grand daughter, so they will do this, go to Canada... I hurt to think my children have to go and live somewhere else, but I want what they want and that is to be together...... please pray with me about this, I am still trying to get to Joanne Emerson or someone who can keep my children, Issac, Amanda and Alana home in the USA.... they belong here now, Issac like many of us only wanted a better life for himself, young and desperate he made a decision to cross over, scared, you bet he was, we all our when we finally step out, and life has now happened, now he is trying to make it work. Please pray for this young man to be able to get a job in Canada and be able to reunite his family, he is trying so hard. My prayer here is not that you come up to me or write me and say your sorry my request if that you pray, that when you see me, say nothing, but think of this young family and say a pray each and every time you see me or any thing that will make you think of this Real Life Story, of this Real Life Family, and pray for them, they are not alone in having problems in this world, we all have problems, we all have lost in many ways, and we endure, but they are asking for prayer. Prayer in asking God "What now Lord", pray for strength and understanding in all this for them, they love the Lord Our God and want to be where He wants them, maybe there wave to ride for a while is in Canada, I don't know, but as I have said before God made the waves and we do have to step out and get on and ride them while here on earth, till the wave flattens. Amanda, Issac and Alana are in a crossroad right now, I know we will all pray for them, Thank you Church family and family for hearing me out, I love you all, but I know that God loves us MORE.... God Bless this sweet family and all the young family's that are trying to raise their baby's in the best way they know how. Kay
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
So I started trying to learn the moment I fell in love with my now husband. At that pint I knew; mi casa su casa, vive, Adios, and caca. None of which are to helpful. When I became interested others at our church where to so Issac started a class using the Living Language books. I think we got to about the 3rd chapter before Issac got picked up for being illegal. Needless to say our life was upside down and the class fell off the radar. We soon decided to get married and at this point I was in nursing school and had more important things to rack my mind over. So Spanish was again on the shelf. After we married I decided it was time to commit again to Spanish I was now graduated from school and ready to continue learning. I ordered some CD's off line that where cheep but really good. They were called Advantage Language and are a computer program. I loved this. Tammy came over once a week and we did the lessons together. Soon Tammy was unable to come and the immigration stuff with Issac began to pick up. I also got pregnant somewhere in here and my memory was shot. But I continued to randomly do the comp program and was still trying to trudge through the book we had bought for Issacs class alone. Issac is always there to answer questions also. Ok so now I would say I have the knowledge of someone who has Spanish one in High school.
Then Issac has to go to Mexico and my life is crazy, sad, busy, just to much to worry about Spanish. The only reading I did was for stress relief and fun.
So here I am sitting in Mexico with the knowledge of High School Spanish one. I brought those comp CD's which I early didn't add that after about the Int part they had audio CD's also and I also got a digital translator with it that works pretty well even now. I also brought with me the book that started it all with Issacs class. I know I should have finished it by now but geesss didn't you read my excuses. So the comp one wont work because they can only be installed into one comp and that is at Shawndras in the States. So I hit the Living Language book (which also came with audio CD's). I got through this one I think early Aug. It is an ok book but mainly for memorization and for tourist. Im not exactly a tourist although thats what my legal status is. So now I feel Im at about Spanish one College maybe. If the people who communicate with me speak clearly and a little slower than normal I do ok. Also if they use words they know I know. :)
To continue my learning Im now working on increasing my vocabulary. I listen to the Audio CD's from Advantage Language while doing dishes, playing outside with Alana, Taking walks, during Alanas cartoons ext. Issac recently got Rosetta Stone for me and I whizzed through Unit one in like 3 weeks it had 8 lessons with about 12 sessions in each. Im pretty happy with that its mainly about listening comprehension which is what I need to master before I can dream about speaking it well myself. We will soon have the second unit up and running and Im sure it will be more of a challenge. I also recently borrowed Issacs cousins Spanish one and two books from Jr. High. So this is 7th and 8th grade Spanish here. But if you think about it this would be higher up in the States because the entire book is in Spanish. I also am reading through a book that his aunt used to lean English it has both in it and is pretty neat. Its called Expreselo todo en ingles, express everything in Spanish. The entire book has both languages like the title.
Gosh still a lot to learn but I will keep you posted on how it is going. With all these sources and being immersed in the population I hope I will be doing better soon.
So about the gallbladder stuff. For now its just trial and error. I have a list of foods that are potential bad for it and ones that are good. The last couple days no matter what I ate it hurt pretty bad and I would be in the bathroom later. We (I say we because Issac and I are in this together) figured out that Dairy is bad. The list says in order don't eat eggs, pork, onion, fowl, milk, coffee.
Honestly the dairy is going to be the hardest. I eat dairy with every meal and love it. The power of Cheese.
Also I had a head ache all day and it just dawned on me that its prob because I didn't have any coffee. Although I plan to try it again after I start feeling better.
Apparently when the episode is better you can have more and it wont make you sick. The biggest thing is low cholesterol. So maybe its better it happened this way. Pork is so big down here and maybe this way I can keep my husband around longer. I plan for my whole family to have a healthy diet. Sure they can splurg when needed even though I cant. I could never deny them tacos. Man Im gonna miss those.
I'm blessed that it was just an episode of pain and no infection. I wont need surgery just to eat better.
Last night I was having flash backs of being a kid and checking under my sheets for brown recluses. And of laying in bed all night watching the ceiling just sure one would come through from the attic, slowly creep down to our bed and eat me alive. I don't even remember seeing any back then. I just remember mom telling us to check under our covers before going to bed and as usual my imagination didn't need much more spark than that.
Any way sorry for that rant. Obviously we couldn't go out of town to the immigration office so Issac searched online to be sure we had all our facts strait. For the most part we did but we found that Mexico like the U.S. and Canada, requires you to show a proof of sufficient income for the family. We don't have this. Issac is literally making 2/3s of what we are spending each month and we are doing our best to cut things short. The other 1/3 is coming from my savings from the states. We have enough to make it for about 6 months but a savings isn't considered and income to a country.
So were in a bit of a spot. Issac is searching for a better job. He needs to make almost double what he has now to be considered a sufficient amount by the gov for our family. He will basically be sponsoring us and they want to be sure Im not gonna need gov support. He has to find it in the next couple months or I will have to go back to the states with Alana and 6mo preg. Im kinda freaking out about that thought.
We did end up finding a reliable car from a nice couple. Its a 95 jimmy and we plan to sell the piece of junk for some cash to add to the savings.
I cant bear the thought of us living apart again even for a few weeks. I know God listens he has always come through for me especially when money was involved.
If he is unable to find a job that will work for us, then I will look into cleaning houses or something where I don't have to talk to much to people. Then when I learn the language I will work as a nurse. I actually miss nursing so much I cant even tell you. But I still have a lot to learn around here. Issac drooped off like 6 resumes the other day and he has an interview at a tile comp today after work. Sounds like they would be able to start him at what we need. He told his work that he needed more money and they said they would give him a raise but I don't think that will be enough. We decided if he cant find something in the next month or so then I will look also. Day care here is really cheep so I wouldn't have to make or work to much to make up a difference. I actually wouldn't mind working part time or something as long as I get 3 mo off with the baby when it comes. I was really upset and freaking about all this for a few days. But God is giving me peace and I think he will work this out that I don't have to leave.
Advertising. So most places around here wont spend the money on getting commercials on TV. So what they do is have someone drive around with a sign on their truck or car for their company and yell through a bull horn their deals. This made me quite angry when I first got here. The gas companies all have their own song and diddy. I catch myself singing along as they drive by now. These are gas co that fill your house gas for you or sell by the tank.
Beggars or whatever you want to call them. Sure they say they are asking for a case, but who really knows. Like in St. Louis the dudes on the street in t-shirts selling candy saying its for starving kids. Anyway they walk right up into a store when your shopping and ask you for money. Also the workers. Can you imagine someone not getting arrested for that.
Street vendors. Man the street food is to dye for here. :) But seriously its so good a I cant even tell you all of it but a few are: the mixed fresh fruit bags with fresh squeezed lime and salt (chili powder if you want). Yummy, Also boiled corn with crumbling cheese, lime and chili. (If you'v seen Nacho Librea they eat it on there), Of course the Tacos. You'll crave them forever once you'v had a taste just ask Shawndra. There are a lot of others but those are my favorites.
I am in love with this place. Im so glad Iv gotten to see the brighter side of Mexico. Monclova is where his mom is working at the childrens home. That town is so ugly and dirt and dust are everywhere and it gets cold in the winter and super hot in the summer. The weather here has been great. Hardly ever over 75 and usually a nice breeze. I have no AC and haven t even missed it not one time.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
We then felt free to explore the city a bit. We found some book stores and thankfully bought me some reading material in English. We also found a Starbucks and got some yummy coffee for the way home. The trip was good and we now had a trail to take.
Monday, October 20, 2008
As for now I am still here on a visitor status. My next blog will be regarding the FM3 versus the FM2 for extended stay.
So my Spanish still kinda sucks but is getting better. I seem to be retaining more vocabulary and am understanding more of the conversations around me. I still cant strike up a normal conversation with people and that is kinda getting old. But all in good time I suppose. Im now 13 weeks pregnant, may be a little early to spill the beans to the world but I cant keep my mouth shut about it anymore. Those of you who know when I came here know that I must have gotten pregnant as soon as Issac looked at me. lol Seriously though we are supper excited. Alana is going to be a wounderfull big sisiter.
Issac is doing well at work and we are just praying that he is making enough for the gov here to agree to let him sponser us. We are still adjusting to a major decrese in income and are still dipping into our savings quite a bit. But we are trying to get better.
We have a private OB and plan to have the baby in a private hospital. Some of his family keeps trying to convince us to go to the free clinic but they have no idea what Im coming from. In the clinic you share a room with 4 or 5 other women and their babies and are only allowed to have the dad there like an hour a day. Issac missed everything with Alana and refuses to miss a min this time around. The hospital is actually really nice and its so cheep compared to the states. We have put back the money for all of that and are good to go for a bit. I cant express to you how excited about this we are. As most of you know Issac and I want a big family and were so ready to get started on that.
I didn’t tell a lot of people right away because I was so upset that I was considering asking Issac to come back the way he came the first time. I found out after bringing it up to Issac that others had suggested the same. It was tempting at the time because we felt so let down by the legal system. When Issac and I decided to seriously consider this option, we both knew it would not be the right thing to do. We knew that God would not be honored by such an act. We quickly backed away from this thought and will never return to it. Many of my friends and family have cried and are devastated with the outcome of this case.
I’m certain that in Mexico or Canada I would have to start over and become a staff nurse for a few years in a hospital to acquire the position I’m in now.
Here is a section from a letter Issac wrote:
I prayed to God, I shouted to God, I cried to God and asked Him for strength and peace. We had to pull ourselves together, and start planning on what was next. Then, it came to me. I went back to Monclova since there was nothing else for me in Cd Juarez.Once there started to do some research on and how to get there. Everything I found was pleasing. It was like an answer, like an open door. We both started doing research about it, and that’s when I decided to come to to be able to go to the Canadian embassy and figure out more about it. At this point, we are ready to move on; we are ready to go were we can be together.as a visitor. Once there, I would Find a job and a place to stay, then apply for a residency and request toHave my family come live with me. We chose Windsor because is right at the border with Detroit where Amanda can work at a hospital while i work in Canada. What we are looking for is a church that can help us settle there, as well as a body of believers that loves God and pursues Him. We want to find a place for us to have fellowship and worship our God.
The old saying goes that home is where the heat is. Issac, Alana, and I have only been home about 2months out of the last 21months. We are really our happiest when together and I see the truth in this saying frequently. I have recently heard a christian song (that I wish I knew the artist and title to) where she speaks of leaving and not being afraid for the first time. How she knows God will be waiting on her. Not afraid and Not alone. All this to say that Alana and I are going to be with Issac for good in July. As of right now its kinda up in the air about where we will actually be joining him. The permanent visa process in takes around a year and a half. They also have providence work permits that you can go there on while you wait. If Issac and/or I can get one of those we plan to and Alana and I will join him in If we are unable to get that we will join Issac in and live there until we can get the permanent visa to go through. I have never been more sure of anything (other than to marry the man of my dreams). This has been a true test of our love and devotion over this last year and a half and we know for sure all we want in life is to live for God with each other and alot of kids. Issac will be meeting Alana and I in
In November 2006, I was promoted to Lead Charge Nurse, and I know I cannot find similar work in I am the Assistant Manager of the Neurology and Neurodiagnostics Departments at Barnes Jewish Hospital, in Due in part to the worldwide shortage of nurses, Barnes has a vacancy rate for management-level nurses.Many nurses in the are either newly trained or close to retirement.I am in high demand here in the United States and particularly at the hospital where I am currently employed, because nurses who are my age with my experience are rare.It would be extremely difficult, even with my experience, to acquire a nursing job in Mexico.
Here is a section from a thread I had put on my family site.
Amanda Hernandez - Feb 10, 2008 View | Edit | Delete | Viewers
I put my home on the market yesterday. Kinda sad but its a progressive step in the direction to be with Issac. Man I really love this house. Issac and I had planned on having four more kids and living here for 10years. Pray for us this kinda stuff is when it get hard to deal with. And when I start getting pissy about the whole thing. I'm sure I can get another house but this ones exactly what I was looking for and I got it at a great price. But enough of that and time to move on. God is really teaching us to store our treasures in heaven and not here on earth. We prob aren't gonna have a lot left here when all this is said and done.
This is a section from Issacs letter and is his words.
The trip to the embassy was a 12 hour bus ride. I kissed everybody goodbye; since i was going to leave to go back to the united states from Cd Juarez. I was to cross to
I stayed at a pastor’s house there, which was a blessing for us. I got there October 29th. I went to get a physical exam at one of the authorized clinics the following day. We spend so much money on that exam. Plus i had to get shots as well.
November 1st, I got up for the appointment. I was ready, at peace and determined to get this over with. I headed to the embassy. Once there, i got in line. It was a very, very long line, and everybody there was going to deal with visas and immigration. I got there at 7am.
It took forever to get in. I went from one waiting room to the next. Finally I came to a window where they took my fingerprints, and checked my paperwork. The pictures they asked for were not like the ones i had on me so i had to go outside and get some fresh pictures taken. I came back and i got another waiting number, only to go to another waiting room.
At last, i came to the final waiting room, where the immigration officer interviews the applicants.
After a long while they called me up to window “
I apologized. He started the interview and i answered all of his questions.
He was upset at the fact that I was speaking to him in English and kept questioning why I spoke it so fluently. He then asked me how I entered the
By this time it was about 5 o’clock pm. I hadn’t had anything to eat all day and had the worst headache ever. My knees were shaking. After 30 minutes or so, he sent another guard out to get me. The first thing he said to me was not to speak unless I’m spoken to and not to do anything else. Just be there and stand still. He took my fingerprints, gave me a receipt and told me to come back to pay the fingerprints fee. He then told me to come back the following Monday.
I went back to the pastor’s house and felt like I was falling to pieces. The whole weekend was so bizarre. On Monday I did what the officer told me to do. There I was again in front of him and waiting for him to call me up.
We started the whole interview all over again. He asked me about Amanda, about church, about how I learned English about when I came back to México on a voluntary departure. He then commented about the fact that i had been charged with a false claim in
I had to ask permission to say something, so i did. I then told him that we had brought this very same charge to a judge and had dropped it. I asked how he could charge me with the same thing again. He said he was under a different jurisdiction and there is nothing else that could be done.
I told my lawyer about that and she said that once they decide on something, nothing can be done, especially with a charge like that one.
My entire world felt apart. I felt my knees crumble and my spirit at its lowest point. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to go home to my wife and daughter. It was supposed to be over.
I bitterly cried myself to sleep. We cancelled the flights. We cancelled our plans.
Just like that, our dreams were shattered.
January came. I missed my wife’s birthday, valentines day, we missed our second wedding anniversary; I missed my daughters first birthday as well.Still, no news on the visa appointment.At this point, we had been apart for 8 months. It was quiet. Every time we would try to contact the embassy, all they would say is, “we will let you know”.It was so frustrating. We never knew what would happen or when. By September ’07 the appointment date was finally set. It was set for November 1st ’07. I was ready. I have never been so anxious for anything in my entire life.I was going home. We had been waiting on this appointment for a long, long, time.I remember talking to people and hearing them saying something like; “Oh, it’s been a year and a half already? It sure went by fast” that would totally crush me inside, since that year and a half was the worst time of my life, and it felt like 10 years.It was finally here. I was to go to the embassy in Cd Juarez, apply for a visa and get denied because i had been in the states illegally.After that, my wife would be able to apply for a citizen hardship waiver”.This would allow my return to the united state to be with my wife and child, as our separation was an obvious hardship on her as well as Alana. It was to be a routine process.
Monday, November 27, 2006I continue to love my husband more and more each day as impossible as that sounds. I still falling head over heals for him. Issac reminded me the other day that what God unites let no man seperate. Nothing in this world can truely seperate me from my one and only love. Alana has gotten to where when she hears the IM bell she looks at the comp screan to see Issac. She laughs and goos at him when hes on. Babys are amazing at how much they know. Im confadent that she knows thats her daddy. Im excited to see her in his arms once again. We are going there Dec5hth to the 15th please pray for a safe trip for us both.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
So I havent blogged in awhile because I was going through some inner termoil. Im doing better now thanks to our God. I dont want to go into all that becasue most of you know whats up anyway. If not no need to worry like I said Im doing better. So we are now looking at June or July for Issacs retun. Im praying for him to be here for Alanas first birthday. Please keep that date in mind (July 15th) and pray specificaly for it. God does want us to be specific sometimes. If it doesnt happen Im sure he has his reasons but it will be a bitter sweat day for us if he is not here. Thats how I can discribe Christmas, New Years, Our birhtdays. All bitter sweet this year. Anyway God is realy providing daily for me and Alana. Its alittle stressful some days but we will make it. God has provided me with a strong sense of survial. Alana is my reason for keepen on keepen on. As one of the gospels states "To live is Christ to die is gain." So I live today for Christ. So Alana is more and more like Issac every day. I told him she shares his need for attention. She will litteraly act like she can breath if I dont sit and stare at her while she is eatting her bottle.
We made it and I cant explain how good it is to be in the arms of my husband holding our baby. Now I know what its realy supose to feel like. Realy I dont have many words except that if your home is where your heart is my home is in mexico right now. And I wont be home after I leave until Im back with him. It only took Alana one night to get warmed up to Issac. She now wants him as much as me. Which is a nice break for me. I can actually leave her for a bit and do things with 2 hands. The kids here are all so good and try so hard to communicate with me. Im realy doing better than I thought. ok gotta go feed alana now. Oh shes doing great with the bottel Issac loves feeding her and always burps her. man its realy great to see him with her.
Here is an entry from Issac;
Amanda was able to come to visit with me for the first time after Alana was born in September and she was able to stay there with me for 3 weeks.I got to hold my daughter for the first time. She was already two months old.When they left, i had to drop them off at the airport.It was heartbreaking. I was praying to god in tears to end this whole nightmare and bring us back together.
I was released from the hospital, with Alana, on July 17, 2006. Two days later, on July 19,
Eventually, I decided we could not stay at the apartment. At 9:00 p.m., I packed up everything and took Alana to our Pastor’s house. I was still very stressed and emotional. I was also extremely uncomfortable, because I was only a few days post-partum. Between bouts of pain and tears from both Alana, and myself, I had to pack my belongings along with all of the belongings necessary to care for a newborn. Staying at the pastor’s house was very stressful. I had no privacy, and I was still bleeding. While I was at our pastor’s house, I called my sister Shawndra. She lived two hours away, so she could not come get us for a few days.
On Saturday, July 22, 2006, Shawndra drove to
After we returned from my sister’s house, I hurt my back while moving furniture in order to baby-proof the apartment. Afterward, whenever I picked up Alana I felt a spasm in my back. My back continued to hurt for five months after this injury. I remember continuing to have back problems when Alana and I visited Isaac in
The first couple of hours at the hospital, my friends kept trying to get the webcam set up so Issac could watch Alana’s birth. However, we were never able to get the webcam to work. Between contractions, I talked to Issac on the phone, but it was very hard for me not to be able to see him. I knew this was also extremely frustrating for him. I know he wanted to be there to help me. Knowing that he was upset made me even more anxious.
I had planned on having a drug-free childbirth, but in the end I was unable to do so. Throughout labor, I was constantly worried about the fact that Issac was not going to be there in person for our daughter’s birth. Once I found out that the webcam was not going to work either, and he would not even be able to watch it, I became even more upset. So, I gave in and had the epidural. I didn’t have the strength to do otherwise.
Although I had a great amount of support during my labor and delivery, it was not the same as having my husband by my side. It was very difficult for me to go through labor without my husband to be there to share in this incredible experience. Also, I was concerned about Alana’s health during my labor and delivery. I had been put on Prozac one week after Issac left, which was two weeks before Alana’s birth. I was worried because Prozac can cause respiratory depression in newborns.