Self Evaluation... Dun dun dun!!!

Self-Evaluation

Ok I need you to imagine the dooms day music in a movie that happens just before something huge happens. Dun dun dun dun….Here it comes… its gona happen… its inevitable!!!!!

BOO!!!!

Oh well that wasn’t so bad after all.

This is how many of us feel when it comes to self-evaluation. We sometimes view it as low self-esteem or being to self-critical. But really that is just an excuse to not do it. Why are we so turned off by the fact of reviewing our own actions and yet criticizing others comes so easy. Personally I believe there are a few reasons. These same reasons are behind many of our more complicated questions. One is due to our past, broken hearts, lies spoken over us, decisions we have made about who we are ext. The second is that there is a very clear spiritual war going on. The enemy (well my enemy anyway) knows that if we all turned our critical eyes away from others and made it constructive towards ourselves then his job in this war would be so much harder.  The last and most common are simply because we are lazy. It’s easier to point out someone else’s errors because we then don’t have to do the work to fix it. I say all this as we and us because I still do not consider myself to have taken hold of this concept 100%. This is why I’m writing about it. The subject has come up in a few studies I’ve been at which causes me to always analyze what the Spirit is trying to do in the church as a whole. (This is so I can intercede, another blog all together)

Christian or not you should always be looking for ways to improve yourself. Those who say they have nothing they can change for the better someone that will be stuck in a very sad place in their life. We should never stop learning be it for our jobs, how to be parents, how to love our spouses, how to drive better, or whatever you do every day. The point is that biblical principles apply to all whether you believe or not. They are laws set forth since the beginning of time by the One True God and there is no escaping it. This is why so many religions have the same opinions on many things. The biblical principle which gives the basis to this post is to work on your issues and try not to focus so much on everyone else’s issues. This topic ties in pretty closely with what I wrote a few weeks ago. But today I want to go more in depth on the idea of constant self-evaluation.

First off how is this going help me in my daily life? If you are evaluating yourself, often times you see changes you need to make before anyone else notices. Then if it is brought up to you it’s something you have already come to accept and maybe have even looked for solutions. Let me give you an example. Last Sunday one of the things mentioned by our Pastor Gaby was signs of a sleeping heart (you can see the sermon we were discussing here :________________). One of these signs was if you get offensive when a leader gives you constructive criticism.  When I heard this I said, “Oh I receive criticism from my leaders well.” And God said, “At church maybe yes, but is this true at your work?” Ugggg and as always he started showing me times that I had gotten offensive with my coordinators and bosses. “Ok Father, I know you don’t show me these things to make me feel bad. So I receive them and I ask you why did I react that way?”  We had a nice conversation for a few days about this. I even expressed it at a study that we have on Tuesdays. (Confession is a huge tool towards breaking walls of misunderstanding between your heart and your Spirit). So by Wednesday morning I had in mind some things I needed to change about my methods in the class room and the way I would respond to my bosses in the face of criticism. And low and behold guess what happened Wednesday at 1:30. I got called into a meeting regarding a teaching method I had use. It’s never easy to receive correction but I can tell you that the meeting didn’t hurt because it was a confirmation of all that I had already gone through with God. It was pretty cool because everything that was brought up was things that God had already discussed with me and I had already made decisions on how to change. I received what all they had to say, expressed that I agreed with them and explained how I plan to change it. Lastly I asked for and accepted suggestions, and most of all received their suggestions. Although God spoke into my life this doesn’t mean that he hasn’t put people in my path to do so also. These people have years and years of experience in this field and I should take their experience and let it help me to grow faster.Wow!! How quickly God works in us when we are open to it and when we let him flow. Again I’m not saying I am always so open to Him but this is a huge example of why we should be. So many times I have wrestled with God over silly things and every time I give in and let him take over there is so much less damage done to my heart.

There are many books written about self evaluation and maybe if you don’t have Christ in your life you may need to read them. I even suggest you do. The world will be a better place if everyone turns there “change for the better” focus upon themselves. But if you do have Christ in your life this means you also have the Holy Spirit. This is a huge advantage that we have over the rest of the world in this subject (and really in any other subject). The Holy Spirit was sent here to be our constant guide and teacher. He is the one that brings these things to my attention without bringing guilt or fear. This is what prevents things like depression and anxiety. When the Spirit shows me something I could do better he does it in love. And I receive it with my identity firmly planted in Christ. I know that in Gods eyes I’m already this pure person that the Spirit is guiding me to be. So I don’t have to feel guilty about how I acted. What I do need to do is repent and work on changing it. I urge you to sit and ask the Spirit what he sees in your heart to work on. If at that time you start feeling sad, guilty, hatred, or any other negative feeling it IS NOT the Spirit that is guiding you and most likely is your soul (which is usually very confused without the Holy Spirit). If this happens, you can say to yourself, “NO I don’t receive these bitter views of myself. I only receive what the Spirit is giving me.” Just wait a few minutes and see what happens.

Now after the Spirit brings you these revelations he never just leaves you there high and dry. He will help you through the process of change. He will remind you on a daily basis of the decisions you made with Him. He is very helpful in that way. I have also found some very helpful tools on how we can work on our character growth which I will be writing about later but for now let’s just focus on focusing on ourselves and not others. (This is talking about the critical change for the better eye not for other purposes.)

I left a short list of verses to help you further your biblical knowledge on the subject. There are actually a ton more but I don’t want to overwhelm. If you want more verses on the topic leave  a message and I’d be happy to send them to you.

Psalm 32:3-5

Philipians 2:13

Psalm 51:1 The whole 51 is an excellent prayer for your daily life.

Psalm 129:23-24

Mathew 7:3

Luke 6:41

John 14:26, 16:12-15

Acts1:2

My Passion

Most of my readers know that I am christian and love to share of all that God had done in our lives. The day after receiving our Canadian visa denial we went to talk with our pastor at Sozo Church. Our pastors have been used by God many times in our lives over the last couple years and we wanted them to know we were staying and that we were ready to commit 100% to service in the church. Our pastors response  was, and with a straight face,"Are you guys OK?" We said,"Yeah, really we are." He said,"OK can I be happy now." We all laughed and said, "Of course. We are!" Although since this happened one week after our going away party I asked if we were gona get a welcome home party, but that never happened. 

From there we were put in charge of what can be considered the welcoming committee at church. We were faithful in this and as the bible says he who is faithful in little will be given a lot. This happened in August last year. During this time God spoke to me a lot about how I can finally put down roots. That Hes not going to move me again for a long while. This brought me a lot of comfort. God also spoke to us about us serving in the church. We have always worked in the church but more and more God was calling us to do more. In the end of October we were asked to be co-pastors in our church.  This was the fulfillment of a promise God gave me when I first met Issac. Over 10 years ago God told me that Issac would be a pastor. In those 10 years there were times I forgot the promise and times I didn't believe it. I'm thankful that God is faithful even if we are not and even if at times we don't believe Him. Since last October we have seen God move more powerful than ever before. Mainly because we are growing in what we believe about Him and what He can do. And partly because we are believing more about how he sees us. Our Identity in Christ is something that our pastors have helped us to understand. The Holy Spirit has been pushing us and teaching us and guiding us every day and each day we learn to listen to Him more.  

This is the poster that was made to help the church members recognize us and know what we are doing in the church. It says, What we do in Sozo is care for the leaders and the congregation which the Holy Spirit has placed us to pastor and serve. It comes from a verse Acts 20:28-29 (check it out).

These are our pastors and a poster showing our DNA classes. We want all our leaders to not only understand but but be infused with the vision that God has given for Sozo. We love these guys so much and are so thankful to God for placing them on our path. 

I received a word one day saying to me that my hands were made for healing. That I didn't make a mistake with my profession (nursing) but that God wanted to use my hands to heal in the church and for Him now. This was such an awesome word for me and came at a time when I had just reread a poem I wrote when I was a nurse back in the states. When I read it I was in tears because I realized it all applied to my current life which has nothing to do with nursing. But I am still caring for people and helping them heal each and every day. Here is the poem and it can sum up where my passion remains. 

The Greatest Privilege

I get pleasure from their smile. 

I hurt for their hearts pain. 

I give from my healthy body to their broken soul.

Appreciation is the best reward. 

No amount of money can equal someones comfort. 

God has awarded me the greatest honor possible. 

To show his love to the broken. 

Hearing laughter from one with little reason. 

Swells your heart in a way few can understand. 

I can only imagine how Jesus felt as he healed the sick completely, heart and body.

Brings me to tears to even try to imagine. 

Thank you god for what I consider the greatest privilege. 

Organizing my life

As I stated in some of my past blogs my life had been a bit out of control. Not in a bad way just really busy and I wasn't providing the same quality of care in my home. Much of what was going on is that I had all three girls in a dance academy. Don't get me wrong extra activities are good for kids but this is not just any dance school. This place creates professional. They build and train children to know how to have the discipline needed to be a prima ballerina. This is why i had my girls there. Between the three of them I was basically at the dance school every evening between 2-3 hours,  was working a second job and fighting each month to be able to pay for them all three. We had next to no time for house work, homework, alone times (time spent with each child alone) much less to go to the park and play. God began to speak to me about the issue explaining to me that it wasn't necessary. He helped me to analyze my reasons for having them there and most of my reasons were based in the fear that they would grow up to make some of the bad decisions I made as a youth. He helped me to see the reason I made those decisions was from a broken heart and a broken family and had nothing to do with the fact that I  was not passionate about something. Father God is so amazing like that. I love how he helps me to make decisions based on His reality and not mine. Because many times mine is messed up due to old habits or thought processes. So after fighting with God a bit about the ballet issue I relented and right now I couldn't be happier about His decision. Over the last few weeks I have been making my organizers which I use to always use. After the near miss of moving to Canada all my organizing things got trashed and I just never got around to making more. I hope you enjoy them. I know they are not as crafty as many you will find but I also believe in letting my girls help me a lot with this stuff. And to me having them help makes it even more awesome. 

 The above picture is our weekly menu. Its made from part of a Ritz Crackers box covered in scrapbook paper. Then I used cards to leave a space for writing. After placing a couple pretty stickers I put it in a plastic paper cover so that it can be erasable. Each week on Saturday me and my oldest daughter check out my cook books and Pinterest to find what we want to make for school snack (refrigerio) 2 o'clock lunch (comida) and dinner. Usually we don't put breakfast because we know its either cereal, rice or oatmeal. As we write out the menu we keep track of what we need to buy from the store and write it on one of the papers noted below.

 I did this only because tacks seem to constantly disappear and the the papers seem to always be falling into the floor. Si I made little pockets on the tack board for the most frequent items. Also this way we can use recycled paper for the shopping list.

 This is our chore list. I needed something practical. So I have a list of what we have to finish each day, each week and each month. I have three girls, my husband and a cousin who all live here and help with the chores. This is a way each person who does something can mark it off and that way we are doing what needs to be done and not always the same thing. Again this was made from the other side of the cracker box and was placed in a plastic paper cover so it can be used and reused with a dry erase marker. So far this is working perfectly. I have another small calendar in which I put the girls initials if they help each day with a smile on their faces with out grumbling or fighting. They get 1 peso for each day that they clean in this way. Doesn't sound like much but if they do well all 6 days that's 6x3 each week for Moma.

And last but certainly not least our calendar. I had an old dry erase board from when we were giving classes at home. Its frame was completely gone and looked pretty rough. I simply placed scrapbook paper around the boarder and covered it in tape in case the marker got on it it could be erased. Then I drew out the weekly and monthly calendar with sharpie. The monthly calendar doesn't have the month or the day numbers. Also we decided to start working on memory verses for the girls. Its something that I have always treasured from my childhood and the verses I learned continue to help me in my life. Each Saturday when I do my menu I also write out the activities for the week on the weekly calendar. It starts at 2 pm because that is when we get home from school.

Well thats that folks. My life is a well oiled machine....no te crees, hahahahaha.