Today I am going to write about raising children. Yikes this
is a heavy subject. I have felt inspired to write about this for various
reasons. One of which is that my position in the church makes it necessary. My
husband and I are in charge of the Pastoral Ministries in our church. Somehow
God managed to implant the churches mission vision and DNA into our hearts long
before we ever came to SOZO. The Holy Spirit is amazing in that way. That being
said the things I’m going to write about are nothing new as far as biblical
principles but they are often times ignored. Also they are often times spoken
of without the aspect of grace (through which we have been saved and not
through works). So soon I will be writing a counseling manual for those in our
church who will be giving counseling to young families. My idea is to get some
of my thoughts out here first to help me organize things. Hope you all enjoy
and learn and grow in your walk of being a mother. As I have said over and over
these principles apply to all moms Christian or not. They are laws written into
the fabric of existence that no men can separate from. So if you are not a
Christian (like many of my friends and family) read on and see if this helps
you with any issues you may have with your kidos. In writing about this just
like any other topic I write about I have to admit I am far from considering
myself perfect or that I move in these principles 100% every day. But what I
can tell you is that I try and I have seen the fruits of each one in the lives
of my children. I know I’m biased but really my kidos are amazing!!!!! And to
be honest I’m not the only one who notices. But really I can’t take a lot of
credit for it. Ill speak more about this a bit later.
I’m going to base this blog on Proverbs 23:12-26. Normally I place the verses at the end but
this time I’m going to put them here and discuss each one in detail.
12. Apply your heart to discipline
And your ears to words of knowledge.
Ok mamas this verse is for you not your kidos. If we expect
to discipline our children we have to discipline ourselves first. We have to be
the example for our little ones, someone they can look up to. For those of you
who do not have children and are not ready for this step, please wait. Our
children learn by mimicking words and actions. Many times they don’t understand
the meanings or implications of such words and actions but they understand that
they "work" to accomplish something. Also we have to resign ourselves
to be strong and stick to our words. This involves much discipline on a mom
part. Many days it is just easier to clean the whole hose by yourself but if
you have taught your children that they should be a part of that process it
needs to be constant. How can we grow in our discipline? Well for me seeing
results is what has helped me stay steady in discipline. The days when my girls
come home and clean up without me saying so or yelling or acting crazy (yes
this happens sometimes to), I know they are getting it and that I have been
showing a good example.
Now about the words of knowledge, recently there have been
videos out about how everyone, including people you don’t know, wants to give
you advice on child rearing. Ugg this is so true and especially here in Mexico.
And lo and behold what am I doing in this very blog. The honest truth is that
you can’t receive the ideas of everyone and think you can apply them all. First
you have to decide what your principle beliefs are. If your faith is in God you
don’t need to rub eggs on your sick baby or tie strings around their fingers.
If you agree about the basic laws which God wove into creation then seek them
and you will find your answers. This does not go to say that you shouldn’t seek
help. Many times as mothers we run out of options and don’t know which way to
turn. This can be a very dangerous situation. What this means is to seek words
of knowledge. Look at the children in your life; are any of them how you hope
to see your child someday? If so, seek out that mom. If you are in a church, seek
out your leaders. And if you don’t like what you see in their kids, then simply
seek out Gods advice. Read in your bible about what it says and let the Holy
Spirit give you the words of Knowledge you need. You are never ever alone as
mom. And if you feel alone please seek a knowledgeable voice for your life.
There are tons of blogs, Facebook pages, ext. that can help to guide you. Just
be sure to always filter what you are told through the bible and with the
guidance of the Holy Spirit. If you dont have those two things to filter I’m afraid
there will be some things that are just plain trial and error.
13. Do not withhold discipline from the child;
If you [a]swat him with a reed-like rod
[applied with godly wisdom], he will not die.
Here is the kicker. I know there are so many people out
there today that want to say that spanking children is bad and will ruin them.
But that is simply not the case. The version I am using is the amplified bible.
I love this version because it returns to the original translation and writes
out complete thoughts about certain words that just don’t translate. When you
learn more than one language, you find that often times a word cannot be
translated with just one word. You need a thought or a phrase to explain the
word. Here they have placed in parenthesis around, applied with Godly wisdom.
Wow this is so important. Later I will be talking more about anger but it has
to enter in this part also. Spanking should never be done in anger. Children
are born into a sinful nature once again due to laws set out since Adam and
Eve. The thing is whoever thinks that children are innocent and don’t do intentionally
do wrong, has either not had children or do not speak to their children. There
is an amazing live stand up by Bill Cosby where he talks about exactly that.
Here is the link for some good laughs.
Bill Cosby
Himself truthfulness of children
Child instincts are naturally not positive because they only
think of themselves and what they want. This is not something bad it’s just
natural. But they need to be taught and instructed on how not to be this way.
Children are the best manipulators you will ever meet, and if you don’t believe
this about your child you are most likely the victim of said manipulation. I am
not saying you should spank your child for everything they do wrong but there
are times in which it is needed. There are many situations where a time out is sufficient
and in this you need to know your children and decide according to their
personalities.
14. You shall [b]swat him with the reed-like rod
And rescue his life from Sheol (the nether world, the place of the dead).
This sounds so extreme, right? Save him from hell!!!! Well
yeah in reality that’s what you will be doing. Children have to be taught that
people are not to be manipulated, that the world is not only about them and
that they should love other people. How can they love other people?
Love is an action it is a verb. They also need to learn obedience. Many of the
world wide problems today are because people think they should always get to do
what they want and not what they are told. Clearly any environment is
better when creativity and grace enter. But there has to be a balance. Learning
to submit to leadership and guidance is such a hard lesson. It makes it even
harder if children were never taught to do so when young. Although it may seem
harsh right now while your child is five years old think about how they will be
able to keep a job if they refuse to submit to a boss. Thinking of the most
recent reasons my children received a spanking was because they were treating
their siblings in a manner that is not acceptable or because they refused to
clean their room. Was I angry and flying off the handle when I spanked them? Of
course not! As a mom you have to be sure that discipline happens
before you reach your limit. This enters into the mommy discipline that I spoke
of earlier. If you feel your tempeture rising take a deep breath calm down then
apply discipline to the child.
15. My son, if your heart is wise,
My heart will also be glad;
16. Yes, my heart will rejoice
When your lips speak right things.
This verse gives me rest and peace. It’s so true. Like I
said before the results of self-discipline are what encourages you to keep it
up. In the same way that our Father God looks at us and is glad, we can look at
our children and be glad. This is not a prideful gladness because we know that
really God is raising our children but a gladness knowing that my child will
have successful relationships and a pure heart as an adult. A fullness that is
worth every effort you have put forth. My kids teach me so much day after day.
At times their wisdom throws me for a loop and I love to learn from them.
17. Do not let your heart envy sinners [who live godless lives and have no
hope of salvation],
But [continue to] live in the [reverent, worshipful] fear of
the Lord day by day.
Sometimes my girls notice that other moms are not as strict or do not expect as
much out of their children as I do. They have asked me before, why does so and
sos mom let them act that way. Many times this has been a great teaching
moment. I ask my girls how it made them feel when said child acted the way they
did. How did it affect the activity or play that was going on? Should we cause
that kind of feelings for other people? The thing is kids that throw fits and
act out many times is due to lack of identity and love (which will be in
another post). Discipline is an act of love. It gives children security and
helps them have order in their world. By living a disciplined life and thinking
of others we honor God because he loves those "others" as much as he
loves you. His love is an unconditional love. So I help my girls to understand
that is why I discipline them. I do it out of love, and so far they understand
and accept this with great understanding.
18. Surely there is a future [and a reward],
And your hope and expectation will not be cut off.
Ahhh there is that peace again. In the midst of the turmoil
of being a mommy we can rest in the promises God has given us. There will be a
reward. Somedays we don’t see it, but others it is so evident. Again the fruits
of your labor should be shining through every once in a while to give you this
glimmer of hope for the future. And of course once they are grown and have
their own children they will be a daily example of your efforts and of the love
God has towards them. I love how it says your expectation will not be cut off.
Because those who have received promises brought to completion from God know
that He always goes the extra mile. Your expectations fall very short of what
God has for your children. His dreams and goals for them are HUGE!!! Your
children have a life purpose so much bigger than you can even imagine. We
should be their launching ground. At our church we speak of parents building a
platform that can serve as a roof for their children until the children can
then build even higher. We want them to excide what we have accomplished in
life and in Christ.
19Listen, my son, and be wise,
And direct your heart in the way [of the Lord].
20Do not associate with heavy drinkers of wine,
Or with gluttonous eaters of meat,
21For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty,
And the drowsiness [of overindulgence] will clothe one with rags.
Here we have to talk about the constant
education and teaching that we need to be giving to our children. Since the age
of two or three my girls have had a piggy bank which they save money all year
long. Each Easter they are allowed to open their banks and spend their money however
they wish. My husband and I give them ideas and make suggestions when they ask
for them but otherwise we allow them to buy what they want and we never add to
what they have. If they don’t have enough then they have to find something
else. My oldest daughter is now 9 and you would be amazed at how wise her
spending decisions are. We cannot just give, give, give and give to our
children. When we do this we are teaching them that they can always get what
they want. That even if they don’t have enough resources it will be given to
them. Often times I look around and wish that my girls could have all the fun
stuff I had as a kid. But also I know that because of all that stuff I had my
mom went into debt. And I never thought I had enough. I got arrested for stealing
at 15 years old and it wasn’t the first time I had stolen. The point is that
going into debt to give your children everything you always or never had will
not help them. My girls are happy yet sometimes they notice that other kids
have things they don’t. But they also take care of the things that they have.
They appreciate each and every gift in a special way. They have learned to make
toys out of recycled items and how to appreciate those toys even more because
they made them. I know I have a lot to learn here because often times my flesh
sneaks in and gets envious of those moms who do give everything to their children.
It’s a constant fight between my spirit and flesh but when I feel I’m not sure
I remember to seek out the knowledge of God.
22Listen to your father, who sired you,
And do not despise your mother when she is old.
How can we teach this part to our children? This is only
taught but example. You cannot tell your children to respect you then speak
badly about your mother... or mother in law (ouch). You cannot say listen to
your father and then ignore any advice given by your own... or by your husband
(your children’s father). Ok I guess you can do that but I promise you your
children will notice the double standard and follow your actions and not your
words.
23Buy truth, and do not sell it;
Get wisdom and instruction and understanding.
Ok so I have to admit this verse through me for a loop at
first. I had to do some cross referencing about the words buy and sell. Because
at first I thought well selling the truth would be a good idea right? If you do
cross reference checking on the word used for buy in this verses it was often
translated as seek, look for, search, or find. Ok so we need to be looking for
the truth. This goes along with what we said before. It’s ok not to know
everything and to seek out knowledgeable advice. And the word used for sell in
other verses is used for gaining profit, for personal gain, or loving your own
life more than Christ. Wow that is pretty powerful. We should not do all of
this for our own personal gain. We need to do this for the love of Christ and
for the betterment of our children. Child rearing should never turn into a
selfish accomplishment. It’s something no one can do correctly without the
guidance of our Father and to be honest this should be a relief. In this way we
can also fall back on the Grace He has for us through Christ when we screw it
up, which we will all do more than once.
24The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice,
And he who sires a wise child will have joy in him.
25Let your father and your mother be glad,
And let her who gave birth to you rejoice [in your wise and godly choices].
So first off as a daughter still one my
favorite things are to call and tell my parents of my recent personal accomplishments.
I know my mom will be reading this blog and will feel a since of pride that she
has done a work well done. I know my parents were not perfect the same that I
am not perfect. But they deserve my respect for what they did accomplish and
for the things I did learn from them. Quite honestly we went through some
pretty hard times as a family but I look at all my siblings and can see that my
father can be glad and my mother can rejoice. In this same way peace enters in
during the most frustrating moments of being a mommy. I can give it to God and
know that someday and really in small pieces every day I will receive this
promise in completion.
26My son, give me your heart
And let your eyes delight in my ways,
This verse reflects something I mentioned briefly before.
All of this is possible when you truly give it all up to God. It says give me
your heart. What is in your heart? My heart is full to the brim with my husband
and my girls. So both of them I have to give to God. This is something I have done
over and over and over again. My flesh always wants to return them into my
control and my wisdom. But then the Spirit helps me to remember that I am not
capable. But in Christ I can do all things. This means that I need to give my
decisions, my self-discipline, and my actions up to Him. When we truly do this
life goes so much smother. There is no guilt because I know Jesus covers all my
sins and already forgave me for this current screw up. I can once again say ok
Lord I give them to you, help me make the right choices.
