Oh That..whatever.

Oh yes readers I am posting after only a one month laps. Is this a come back? I don't know. lol

So in my last post I mentioned that there were many things that use to bother me and no longer do. Now when its mentioned I think "oh that.. whatever". I must say there are still many things that get under my skin but just from being on facebook I see that would be the same if I were living in the states. And maybe even worse.
Something that use to really get to me was when Mexicans would speak in Spanish "like a gringa". If you haven't ever heard it you wont get this, but those who have well, you know what I'm talking about. Basically the draw out the words and don't put the accents in the right place and they say the r like errr instead of rolling it. For a long time (were talking years here) I felt like they were making fun of me. Then one day I decided to spend some time with the Abuela and sat down to watch one of her old black and white films. Every single white person in the movie spoke like that, and it was hilarious. They were always some rich dude coming to take advantage of the Mexicans. I found myself laughing so hard at the movie and it was one of those days that I really connected with Abuela. After that I realized they were not making fun of me but more so laughing at an age old joke that came from the films. Many of my family members here have expressed the respect they have for me for being able to learn and communicate in Spanish and the same family members will do gringa speak at me. Writing about this gives me a since of peace and happiness that I cant really express on paper. So many times we get offended or hurt when we don't really understand the intentions behind an action. I was letting something upset me when really my family was trying to let me in on a type of inside joke. They think its hilarious when I do gringa speak.
As I'm sure many of you know the Time Space Continuum actually slows down in Mexico. When someone invites you to a party at 2pm you should plan on going at 3, they are not expecting you at 2.  This also extends into the workplace. If a meeting is at 10am do not show up at 945 because you will be waiting at the least 30 min before the meeting starts. I wasted many precious hours this way my first year or so. I have adjusted well, I'm still responsible in the fact that I always show up a little early or at the least right on time, but I also always bring with me something to do while I wait. Therefore I don't get disgruntled about my time being waisted and I don't have to feel anxious about being late. Oh and as for the parties depending on if its someone who knows me well I ask if the time they gave me was Mexican time. I always ask because we showed up after the time on the invitation once and the person told me they had put the actually time only on my invitation because they knew I always show up when its stated on the invitation. hahahaha That memory still makes me laugh really hard. And on the flip side once we invited some friends from work over for a barbq and put 2pm thinking they wouldn't show up till 3. When they showed up we were not ready and I actually mentioned I had planned on them being late. My friends fiance told me she rushed them out of the house saying that I was American and would expect them to be on time. To be honest I'm sitting here laughing really hard as I write this because I love the quirkiness of what my life has become.

Noise... ahhhh the noise. So I remember being in the states and being like what is the deal with all the hooting and horrible singing as loud as you possible can and laughing so loud the whole freaking world can hear you. Now after countless Christmas parties, weddings, holidays, birthdays ext. I love it. Its really fun to just let loose and let out a typical Mexican yelp or to sing even if you don't have a beautiful voice. Its funny just yesterday there was a party going on at 5pm next door to my house and they were all Aheee Aheee Aheee Aheee... (not sure if that's how you would spell it but you know when they are dancing and someone gets in the middle of the circle to do some funky move) and hearing it made me want to dance and spin around. These people really know how to have fun. It makes you feel like a kid again.
Speaking of the noise something else that doesn't bother me any more and actually I hardly notice is all the gas trucks, bread vendors, junk vendors, water vendors, the sweet potatoes whistle at 9pm... on and on and on that drive up and down the street all day and evening. I remember when I first moved here being like, gees how can these people stand that crap. And why don't they just call the companies when they want something. But there has been plenty of times when we are out of water or itching for some sweetbread where the truck happens to roll around and I'm like man I'm glad they are so loud so I knew they were coming.

So what have you adjusted to, or are hoping to adjust to?

Almost a Mexican

Uhggg...(Im writing on my work computer which has the spellchecker in Spanish... so good luck hope you can translate bad spelling and grammer. hahaha) so I always feel so bad when I go to write a post and realize its been a few months since my last one. The good thing is I constantly have new readers and some of the old stuff I put up before is still giving good therapy to those who need it. That was of course the original point of this blog. To help out people who were hurting or confused. My heart breaks for all you mommys, papis, wifes, husbands, and children out there who are not together as a unit. Or who are together and are in the weird state right before or after the big more out of  or into a new country. Or those who are still not sure what to do to keep there families together. There are so many stressfull stages to the whole stupid immigration game but when we decided to spend our lives with that one special person its something we agreed to. So cheers to all you ladies and men of steal. Keep on keepen on. You can do this and you will come out shining on the other side.

Why am I so sure of that you may wonder. Well I made it and Im a small town girl from Missour for goodness sakes. I came to Mexico and left much behind (you can read past blogs to find out what) in order to keep my family together and to be with a man who has been more of a blessing to me than I ever thought possible. When I came here 5 years ago... (Oh yes crappy blogger didnt even post a 5 year anniversery blog, it was June 29th). I knew no Spanish... wwhhhewww glad that stage is over. I knew nothing about Mexican culture... I actually got ofended by things that now make me laugh histarically. I was almost always uncomfortable... for the first time in my life I was not sefl confident. Since those days... and they were long and sometimes dark... I have grown in  my walk with Christ, as a women, as mother, as a wife, and as a friend. I am a better person than I would have ever been had I stayed in the states. My mind is opened to so many things that would have never made any sense to me before. I may still have a weak gringa stomach but by golly my skin sure is tougher.

So in June I went and picked up my official Perminant Resident Card. Oh yes its a real card not some laminated crap and its official. Im Perminant. What that means is no more renewing or paying every year. It also means I can get more benifits such as cheaper schooling and such. (which is still in the plans but were broke and cant afford the freaking translation of my transcripts, all in good time). I didnt even have a party. I think we still need to plan that one. On the day of my 5 year Mexico anniversery I was actually in the US at a wedding for a couple of the best friends we have down here in Mexico.

About the perminant resident busness it took me a long time to get here but the laws have changed. Aparently if you are married to a Mexican you should be able to just bring in you marriage lic (if from the states appostleed and translated.), birth cirts and ID´s and can apply right off the bat. It costs close to 400usd. Which is nothing compaired to almost 200 every year for four years. I have heard of a few people having trouble getting this done and others who got it done right away. Here is the thing about the immigration system here in Mexico... well the government realy. They make changes for the better and it takes people and offices a while to get on the wagon. Im not sure why its ok and why it happens but its true. So if the office closest to you gives you trouble it may be a good idea to take a weekend to trip to the next closest one and see how things go. Just always have more than one copy of every document you have. Here is there website which clearly states that this process is now faster and can be done without an FM2 or waiting for 2 years. I would also recomend printing pages from the website to show at the office when you go. Im gona post here the link to the website the part thats in English is extreamly limited so if you dont read spanish well find someone that does to help you.  Again if I were you I would make print outs of the scren shots so if the office gives you trouble you can show them you got it off their site.
Home page:
http://www.inm.gob.mx/

For those who have family who are mexican, click on the second pdf, Im gona try to attach it to this post.
http://www.inm.gob.mx/index.php/page/Regularizacion_LM

Heres the link for the pdf. ( when it talks about the payments you have to go to the office to get a paper that has all the info. all you do is put your name and personal data and go to a bank and pay it, make a few copies of the recipt when your done.)

http://www.inm.gob.mx/static/Tramites_LM/Estancia_LM/Regularizacion_LM/Regularizacion_por_unidad_familiar.pdf

I think thats all for today I hope you all have a great day and Im sending hugs to all of you who need them.

From the Almost Mexican.

A fish out of water

So I was recently teaching one of my English students and we are doing a lesson called fish out of water. She read an article to me out loud and then we discussed it. She then asked me about my experience moving to Mexico. It was the first time in a while that I had thought about it. The article talks about phases. I wanted to post the article and say thanks to all you bloggers out there who were there for me during the regression stage. My student asked if I cried a lot during that stage and I said yes, but I also laughed a lot to. I was still happy to be here with my husband and my friends online were an excellent outlet  I especially want to thank Leslie from http://www.lacocinadeleslie.com/. You helped me move from the regression to acceptance phase. Thank you for helping me see the light and helping me to see the good in Mexico and remember that everything back home wasn't perfect.  Here is the article its actually quiet interesting, I would love to hear some of your experiences in the different phases. I can say Im a citizen of the world. (yes I know that sounds cheesy but after reading the article you'll get it. lol)

Culture Shock: A Fish Out Of Water by Duncan Mason

Introduction:

1. Kalvero Oberg was one of the first writers to identify five distinct stages of culture shock. He found that all human beings experience the same feelings when they travel to or live in a different country or culture. He found that culture shock is almost like a disease: it has a cause, symptoms, and a cure.

Body:

2. Whenever someone travels overseas they are like "a fish out of water." Like the fish, they have been swimming in their own culture all their lives. A fish doesn't know what water is. Likewise, we often do not think too much about the culture we are raised in. Our culture helps to shape our identity. Many of the cues of interpersonal communication (body language, words, facial expressions, tone of voice, idioms, slang) are different in different cultures. One of the reasons that we feel like a fish out of water when we enter a new culture, is that we do not know all of the cues that are used in the new culture.

3. Psychologists tell us that there are five distinct phases (or stages) of culture shock. It is important to understand that culture shock happens to all people who travel abroad, but some people have much stronger reactions than others.

4. During the first few days of a person's stay in a new country, everything usually goes fairly smoothly. The newcomer is excited about being in a new place where there are new sights and sounds, new smells and tastes. The newcomer may have some problems, but usually accepts them as just part of the newness. They may find themselves staying in hotels or be with a homestay family that is excited to meet the foreign stranger. The newcomer may find that "the red carpet" has been rolled out and they may be taken to restaurants, movies and tours of the sights. The new acquaintances may want to take the newcomer out to many places and "show them off." This first stage of culture shock is called the "honeymoon phase."

5. Unfortunately, this honeymoon phase often comes to an end fairly soon. The newcomer has to deal with transportation problems (buses that don't come on time), shopping problems (can't buy favorite foods) or communication problems (just what does "Chill out, dude." mean?). It may start to seem like people no longer care about your problems. They may help, but they don't seem to understand your concern over what they see as small problems. You might even start to think that the people in the host country don't like foreigners.

6. This may lead to the second stage of culture shock, known as the "rejection phase." The newcomer may begin to feel aggressive and start to complain about the host culture/country. However, it is important to recognize that these feelings are real and can become serious. This phase is a kind of crisis in the 'disease' of culture shock. It is called the "rejection" phase because it is at this point that the newcomer starts to reject the host country, complaining about and noticing only the bad things that bother them. At this stage the newcomer either gets stronger and stays, or gets weaker and goes home (physically, or only mentally).

7. If you don't survive stage two successfully, you may find yourself moving into stage three: the "regression phase." The word "regression" means moving backward, and in this phase of culture shock, you spend much of your time speaking your own language, watching videos from your home country, eating food from home. You may also notice that you are moving around campus or around town with a group of students who speak your own language. You may spend most of this time complaining about the host country/culture.

8. Also in the regression phase, you may only remember the good things about your home country. Your homeland may suddenly seem marvelously wonderful; all the difficulties that you had there are forgotten and you may find yourself wondering why you ever left (hint: you left to learn English!). You may now only remember your home country as a wonderful place in which nothing ever went wrong for you. Of course, this is not true, but an illusion created by your culture shock 'disease.'

9. If you survive the third stage successfully (or miss it completely) you will move into the fourth stage of culture shock called the "recovery phase" or the "at-ease-at-last phase." In this stage you become more comfortable with the language and you also feel more comfortable with the customs of the host country. You can now move around without a feeling of anxiety. You still have problems with some of the social cues and you may still not understand everything people say (especially idioms). However, you are now 90% adjusted to the new culture and you start to realize that no country is that much better than another - it is just different lifestyles and different ways to deal with the problems of life.

10. With this complete adjustment, you accept the food, drinks, habits and customs of the host country, and you may even find yourself preferring some things in the host country to things at home. You have now understood that there are different ways to live your life and that no way is really better than another, just different. Finally you have become comfortable in the new place.

11. It is important to remember that not everyone experiences all the phases of culture shock. It is also important to know that you can experience all of them at different times: you might experience the regression phase before the rejection phase, etc. You might even experience the regression phase on Monday, the at ease phase on Tuesday, the honeymoon phase on Wednesday, and the rejection phase again on Thursday. "What will Friday be like?"

12. Much later, you may find yourself returning to your homeland and - guess what? - you may find yourself entering the fifth phase of culture shock. This is called "reverse culture shock" or "return culture shock" and occurs when you return home. You have been away for a long time, becoming comfortable with the habits and customs of a new lifestyle and you may find that you are no longer completely comfortable in your home country. Many things may have changed while you were away and - surprise! surprise! - it may take a little while to become at ease with the cues and signs and symbols of your home culture.

Conclusion

13. Reverse culture shock can be very difficult. There is a risk of sickness or emotional problems in many of the phases of culture shock. Remember to be kind to yourself all the time that you are overseas, and when you get home, give yourself time to adjust. Be your own best friend. If you do these things you will be a much stronger person. If you do these things, congratulations, you will be a citizen of the world!

Its been awhile, there has been some changes

Hey there trustee readers. I apologise for how long its been since I wrote. A lot has happened and for the better. My family has been continuously blessed since the last time I wrote.

I had in the past wrote quite a few posts about how my job in the hospital was not going quite as planned. To be honest there was one or two people constantly trying to block any efforts I made to help make the hospital a better place. In October I became so feed up with it that I decided I must leave the hospital. I looked for other jobs and when nothing was forth coming we made the decision for my husband to go back to work full time and me stay home with the girls and focus on growing my English students. I wasn't supper excited about the prospect but I figured if it was what God had for our lives I would roll with it. What I was sure of is that God did not expect me to live in constant frustration and under the thumb of someone else. The Quality team at our hospital got wind of my plans and the next thing I knew I was in their office being asked some strange questions. I didnt realize until later but my answers were part of a "study" they were doing on me and the coworker who was hasseling me. They used our answers as evidence that I should be moved to the Quality care team and seperated, as far as chain of comand goes, from those people who were blocking me. They offered me the option and I jumped on it. My hours are not changed therefore I am able to keep all the English Classes I had before and my husband was able to keep all his Spanish evening classes he was giving. So instead of making a change that would lower our income a bit we made a change that didnt change our income at all. On top of it all I still have job security, and am happier about what I am doing with in the hospital. I love working as a nurse an it has always been so much a part of me that I feel imensly blessed that God has provided me this oportunity. Also I think I need to add that my husband is a saint for staying home with my girls so I can work. We relaized its just not worth it for both of us to work because the second income goes strait to day care. Pluss its so much better for the girls to be home if its possible. He is amazing and doing an excellent job as a stay at home dad. He does do classes in the evening but my house is (almost) always clean and dinner is (almost) always made at home. At the hospital its only two months later and i have already been able to implement some of the change that I had been trying to do for the past year. 

Currently we are pretty busy but in a good way. We actually have some really good friends who are like family to us. They love my girls and help us with them. This is a huge change for us and we love it, not sure what Im gonna do when they have to leave us in a year or so. My schedual is that I go to work in the office from 7am to 230pm Monday through Friday, during the week I have English classses every evening until about 6 or 7 depending on the day but the classes after 5 are at my house so Im still with my girls. I then do Nursng supervisor work on Sunday evenings which is great because Im still getting to practice the application side of nursing and not just theory. My husband has about four steady spanish students that keeps him buys most evenings but he is always home in time for us to have a couple hours together before bed. I honestly couldnt be happier about the way things are going for us. 

After the accident we had to sell our truck to pay for our debts so we are now with only one car. Really it doesnt affect us to much but as far as going to the church we were going to, it wasnt possible anymore. We recently found a small church (which is the way we like it) within walking distance of the house. So on Sunday mornings I walk with the girls to church. About halfway through my hubby strolls in from his Spanish class and I leave close to the closing to get ready for work. He then walks home with the girls. Its funny how things seem so imposible until you actually have to do them. 

In novemember my sister came down for vacation and I applied for my Perminent Resedency which are both for other posts. Now that I have caught you up I need to go do some reading and get caught up on all of you. 

These are happy and exciting times for our family and I am thankfull for any prayers that have been made for us. My God is always good even when times are hard and in times like these I can reflect on the harder times and see more clearly how he pulled us through. 

Blessings

Amanda

Christmas in August

The longer I live here the less I think about what I miss from the states. The great thing is that even though I dont miss things when they do show up I'm so excited about them. For example Issacs mom sent us a huge jar of Jiff PB. This is sold in the larger cities in Mexico but around here all you can get is some junk called Aladine or sometimes they have a very small container of Jiff that is so over priced its not worth buying. So that was supper exciting we got it about 3 weeks ago and its almost gone. But then about a week ago I received a care package from my sister. I have the best sister in the world, in case I hadn't said that before. She has sent me things and done more running around in the states for me than anyone should ever be expected to do. We decided that she should try out the regular mail service this time around because we seem to have a lot of bumps in the road with the other mail services. Also we found out recently that packages go through the same random red light green light as people do as they cross the boarder. So I'm thinking the smaller and less conspicuous (because I still doubt the randomness of the red light green light) the better. So she got the Medium flat rate box and packed it tight and sent it on it its way. I GOT IT 5 DAYS LATER!!!!!! That is so much faster than any of the mail couriers we have used. She sent me two prego shirts, some magazines, shorts for hubby, fun bath markers and color changing tabs for the girls, happy meal toys for the girls, cars for the new baby and other random things for the girls. We are loving all of it and is so nice to have quality cloths from the states. I do really miss Kohls. Then this weekend we were privileged to have our friends Rebbecca her hubby and their son stay with us at our house. She comes in like Santa and gave my girls all kinds of toys, cloths and shoes and all new stuff. I was so shocked.. when she had asked for sizes I was thinking she was hitting up some yard sales which would have been great also, but these were all new. This is a big deal here, you see cloths cost about the same here as they do their except they are made cheaper and there are fewer sales. I refused to buy cloths unless they are on sale here because they are never even close to worth the original prices. Anyway the girls loved all their stuff and are still playing with the toys and are so excited about the cloths. She also brought me lovely books and magazines. I'm so excited because as usually this came just in time. I am currently reading the last book on my shelf that I hadn't read and its not one I'm liking all that much. One of the best things ever is that she helped me to set up a magic jack. A few months ago I went on a rant about not being able to connect with certain family members the way I wish I could. A lot of you wrote me with different ideas some of which I was already using. A lot of those ideas were just out of our cost range but this one was not thankfully. Thanks to this I have already spoken to a couple friends who haven't had time to sit in front of their computer to skype and I can communicate more frequently with my sister and mom. I cant imagine how much it could have helped and lightened my sisters load if we would have had this two years ago but hey its better now than never. Also because were pretty sure this new baby coming is a boy she brought us some of her sons old cloths. This helps a lot because I have girls and dont have boy anything.
During my walks to and from Alanas school I try to take that time to reflect on God and my relationship with him and so on and so forth. These last couple days of walks have just been full of thanksgiving. God has always put such great people in our lives and has always taken care of us. I'm so thankful for where we are in our lives and things are going so well. I actually love living here now. I love that before 10am I have said good morning and smiled at tons of people most of which I barely know or do not know at all. I love that I am getting to know my neighbors and feel so safe and cared for. Really this could go on for some times so Ill stop now and leave this blog with how thankful I am for the Christmas in August. ;)

Thanks Suegra... Thanks Burkharts.... Thanks Rebbecca and family.

Blessed

I have been so thankful lately for everything in my life. My home and my family are so much more than I could have ever dreamed I would have. Right now I'm sitting in a well sun lit room with a gentle cool breeze flowing through my house, while my girls finish their nap. I'm so at peace with where I am and what my future holds for me. I'm not sure why I just decided to write this post but it just felt write to express this. Maybe because sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough to tell God how pleased I am with what he has given me. I want to tell the world, I want to shout it from the mountains, I want to sing it in song. Luckily for my neighbors I'm well aware of my singing voice so Ill keep a wrap on that one and just express my happiness in my blog. I had recently been feeling a slight discontent or restlessness creeping into my soul, and with no real root or cause. When this happens to me I do my best to focus on all the things I have to be thankful for. Sometimes and with this last week the discontent and restlessness dont just go away, as a matter of fact it may get a little stronger. But I also know from the past that if I continue to pray through this and continue to count my blessings God will see me through. And usually on the other side is a peace and a purpose to my life that I didn't see or have before. To be honest I'm still not sure of the purpose this time around but today I am receiving the peace. Sitting here and looking back to yesterday I see that yesterday was the peak of my restless heart and the break through of Christ in my soul. Its always nice to be reminded who can and always will restore my peace and take away any restlessness that I feel. I read something today that Id like to share. Its funny that I didn't read it until after I felt my break through, but I think its because the restlessness I was feeling was not because I was expecting something from my husband and that's what this centers on. But you can read anything into the pieces where I put parenthesis. To be honest I still cant place where my discontent was coming from and sometimes that's just how it is. The evil one comes to destroy and his purpose is only that, even when he has no foothold he finds a way. But God is always there and will win. Here is the piece I read today. I added words in the parenthesis to make it more relevant to how I was feeling.

In our quest for relational intimacy (for peace, for quietness, for love, for what ever you are looking for), remember there is Someone we can whisper our hearts´ desires to and get our boosts from who will strengthen our integrity, not jeopardize it.
If you are thinking, No way will talking to God ever excite me like talking to a man (person, like watching a show, like reading a book. etc.), then you haven´t allowed yourself to be courted by our Creator. The same God whose words possessed the power to form the entire universe longs to whisper into your hungry heart words that have the power to thrill you, heal you, and draw you into a deeper love relationship than you ever imagined possible. A guy (person or friend) may say that you look fine, but God´s Word says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving-kindness" (Jeremiah 31:3). Even your husband (or loved one) may tell you"I´m committed to you until death," but God says, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5).
Make time to retreat to a quiet place with the Lover of your soul. Speak whatever is on your heart, and then listen as God speaks straight from His heart directly to yours.
(I got this from a book titled Every Women Every Day by Shannon Ethridge but she actually got it from a book titled Every Woman´s Battle)

Not only has God provided me with more than I could have ever imagined in my marriage and my family but he also is the Lover of my soul. This is what I have, and this is real and I just felt the need to share and let you know you can have it to. There is no specifics to it other than just talking to Him and opening up. That is all he wants anything else will come natural.

Its funny because I started this post out to be about me taking walks.... Ill save any of that for another post and let you know in that post how I veered off in this direction. ;)

The downside

Although I am content and happy with my current life there are still some major downsides to this whole situation. Last night I looked at photos of a loved ones wedding and cried because I wasn't there to see her beautiful smiling face when she said, I do. Growing up I learned quickly what the word friend means and how important friends can be. As you all know from reading my posts Im a no crap kinda person. Im gonna give it to you how it is and tell you who I am. I found that when you do this with your friends they do the same and the connection cant be broken. I have one friend who has been like a sister since I was seven years old, and the rest of the girlfriends I picked up in early high school I never let go of. We were all really tight, we shared everything and still try to. Lucky for me my little sister was part of this group and another girl who is her age is the one who got married Sunday. She is one of the purest kind hearted people I know. I'm so happy for her that she has found love and got to secure that love this weekend. I'm still not sure that living in the states at this point would be a choice but visiting more often would be if only husband could go with to help out and to see our loved ones. Missing big events like this has happened frequently over the last year, but up till now they were not people so dear to my heart. These are the times I get pissed at the system and then I start to wonder how many people have no idea how bad this hurts.
Also fathers day was this very same weekend. I have tried over and over to have a good communication with my dad over this last couple years. Its not going well. He checks his e-mail but wont write back, its just nothing he ever has figured out. I finally thought Id try the texting rout but apparently he hasn't gotten that one down yet either. None of my family have been able to save enough money to come see me and my slim hopes of it ever happening is getting dimmer and dimmer. I watched older siblings move away and not stay in contact they way I wished they would. I always just knew that I would be the one to keep my kids close to their grandparents and extended family. But now that's not a choice. I know I made the choice to move here but I didn't make the choice that my husband couldn't live or even visit there.
So there it is the sob story, it sucks and it prob wont get much better as far as this goes. I think sometimes what am I going to do when close friends of mine have their first kids and I never get to meet them. Or even worse when my sisters have babies and I never get to meet them. Or what if something happens to my parents and I cant make it there to sit by there hospital bed or be with my siblings if they pass.
And so what is left for me today is to pray for God to heal my heart after this hard weekend and to help me move on without bitterness. This is the true story behind the immigration struggle and many of us will keep living it the best we know how. I'm not looking for sympathy here but I feel the point in this blog is to give, and get support, but to also to try to get the word out about what can happen when the system fails as it has over and over.

A breaking heart

So I have always been pretty tinder hearted. As child it came out often as tears. My family use to tease that a falling leaf would make me tear up. As a muchacha it came out as a peace loving hippy. And as an adult I have held on to both of these releases. Before I met my current husband I use to try and try to not cry over things and I would hold it all in till the one fateful day or night when all alone and just let it out. Thankfully he reminded me its ok to let my love out in this way and to let others see it. I have also since my teen years written a lot and find that this helps to ease the pain I feel for others. Of course since I have become close to Christ I also find that prayer combined with all of these things helps. When I use to work night shifts my rounds didn't only consist of checking foleys and IVs but I would also pray with all my heart over my patients. Something that my personality wont let me understand is how it is possible for people to be so mean to each other. Now mind you I don't mean short lapses in judgment or a loss of temper, believe me I suffer these as much as anyone. So now with this brief insight I go into to point of this post.

Recently my heart has been in my throat more than one day regarding things that are going on my home country. Even though I don't live there it still affects me and I just cant ignore it. I cant understand how people can be so cruel and in that cruelty not see past their own noses.Before I say to much more I want to add that my husband and I are not for illegal immigration to the US or we would be there. Believe me we thought about it after he got his permanent ban. But we knew in our spirit that that was not the rout God had planned for us. To be honest there is just so much to say on this issue that I don't think can really say it all. And I am not upset at those who are angry about the illegals. What I hate is the profiling and racism that is flying left and right because of that anger. I agree that all immigrants should go through the legal rout. BUT (wish I could make that bigger)after being through the system myself and seeing its many wholes and leaks and fall throughs I also know why they don't. Why can we channel all this hatred and energy into a solution instead of hurting so many people. And why on earth is Mexico getting hit so hard, they are not the only illegals there. I saw a picture of a sign where people were even talking badly about Mexican babies. How can you do that how can you bring babies who so far have made no decisions in life into this. And how can you talk of any human being as if they are cattle or items to be dealt with. A person no matter who they are is a person.
What is worse is that I have seen people pull then name of Christ into their arguments. This must break his spirit so to see his name used in such a hateful way. Jesus loves all kinds... everyone.. the poor.. the broken.. thank God he even loves the druggies or I would have never came back around.
I know there is no easy solution but what I do know is that guns, hatred, ignorant words, and turning on our own kind is not the solution. Violence has never been the solution and so often we have seen this in the past why can we not learn as a people. I think the worse part is feeling so helpless. And seeing so many hurting and seeing so many who think that its ok if you hurt because you were not born in the US. Its never ok to hurt we all bleed and cry.

Anyway like I said I'm not going to get into the politics because really there is just to much to say. This post is to be more of the effect of all the hatred and how even though I'm not there it still affects us. I cant imagine how hard it is for those couple still in the states. Before I left often in my job your personal life comes into conversation with patients and families. And you have no idea the grief I got from the same people I was praying over.

To end this post I want to say the other day when my heart was truly bleeding over this issue I posted about it on facebook and you wouldn't believe the response. I was quickly reminded of where the love is. There is a lot of love out there but as we know it takes three good things to reverse on bad. But aside from that I am so thankful for all the support I have and I only pray that others can have the same. This is a call to all who pray to pray for those who are being so poorly treated in our country. And that we pray that this issue doesn't start some type of civil war, and that it can be helped before it gets to much worse.

...in my skin...

I of course have been reflecting on this whole thirty thing. I know it is by no means old but it is older than I was before. One thing I was doing was remembering my self at 20 let me tell you I am much more comfortable in my skin and am excited to see where that brings me in the years to come. As a teenager believe it or not I was very comfortable in my skin, I liked who I was and the fact that I was going nowhere was comforting to me. Then thankfully others saw a potential in me that I never saw in myself and I was encouraged to go to nursing school. The first few years of my 20´s was quite confusing, I was giving up a lot of habits that had became (I thought) who I was. I wasn't sure who to be or who I was without them. Slowly but surely as I grew in Christ he helped me to see that those habits had nothing to do with who I truly was. Right when I was becoming comfortable with who I was again I met my husband and the fearful years set in. I was just looking at pictures from then and let me tell you I was happy and comfortable with who I was but fearful about the future. As most of you know our struggles with immigration started shortly after we met which was when I was 24. When I was younger I enjoyed my differences from other people, I actually tried to make them more than they were. The two years that Issac and I lived in separate countries and the last year and a half my differences from the others around me were a bit to strong for me. I now feel I am at a place where I am still very different than those around me but I am comfortable with the amount of difference. I want to always hang on to my American style, beliefs, language, and attitudes (except the worry part). I think part of what has made me more comfortable with the differences around me is that I understand them more now. Although I am regularly baffled by Mexicans I quickly come to understand why they are the way they are. I´m excited about raising and growing my family in the up coming years. I look forward to feeling safe and knowing that my family will not be torn apart by borders and that I can be comfortable with who I am. Here I let out a sigh of relief for the happiness, comfort and security I am feeling. Thank you God for giving me this.

Dont clam up

We will be on a plane headed to the states in four days. Every day it is on my mind of course. Im actually packed except the things we use every day. Its a lot colder there so I just packed all our warm cloths and we are wearing our summer stuff (actually my 3 yr old prefers just her undies unless were out, lol.) One of things I keep thinking of is my her and how she will do on the trip. She is a veteran at flying, we visited my husband in Mexico 4 time with in the 2 years we were living apart. And I'm pretty sure she remembers more about it than I originally thought. I have been talking to her about it and she brings stuff up that shows me she remembers. She also is pretty good at listening to me and staying close in public places. When I start to freak out about loosing her I remember Leslie and how she traveled with three kids, while pregnant. And once I asked her how she keeps track of them all when out and she said, "you just do, you get use to it." So Thanks Leslie, believe it or not that is helping me keep my cool about that part of the matter. I have a little strap that will strap her car seat to my carry on and that is where she will be most of the time. Thankful to Dora the Explorer my daughter loves to be strapped in her car seat. But me clamming up is not the reason for the title of the blog. I of course think my 3 yr old is the most beautiful, imaginative, creative 3yr old out there. (I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this feeling) Aside from her typical 3yr old fits and talking back which we are working on shes so funny and great to be around. But I find that when we visit people she clams up, and if its a first visit she just sits down beside me and doesn't do or say much during the entire visit. The good thing is the people who really matter we will be staying at their houses for more than one night in a row and I'm hoping she will open up quickly. Also both families that, are most important, she sees on the webcam on an almost weekly basis. With her father this made a huge difference but will it with friends and other family. Also she saw papi almost every night. She does stuff like make up songs off the cuff, or pretend to be someone and its so fun. Will she be herself for these people that I love. I so want to share her with them, they love her so much and haven't gotten to see her in over a year. No, I'm not stressing over this its just something I wonder. Im also excited to show of the baby but you know babies are babies are babies, right. I mean sure shes the cutest one you'll ever see but well.... yeah...
On another note I have been making a list of things I want to do, people to see, places to go, things to eat, and things to buy and bring back. I don't want to be running like a mad women while there but I think an outing a day or so will be good. I don't want to come back and be like, "dang it why didn't I...". My husband has been helping me with this list. All the things he misses he has me write down and I am to experience them for him and if possible make videos and pictures of me doing so. So I decided it would be fun to post my list and when I get back post if I was able to do, see, eat, and buy all that was on it. You may not find this part interesting and its kinda more for me than anything else, but if you also make lists when visiting you might enjoy to see what mine is.

While in St. Louis: We will be there a total of 5 or 6 days, which doesn't seem like enough but none of my actual family lives there. We will be staying with our closest friends, (Who love us more than any one... Wink Wink, They braved and almost 48hour bus trip to visit us down here)
Places to go, people to see: The Arch, The Zoo (if you didn't know St. Louis has one of the largest Zoos in the US and it is still free to get in to the main part.), The Magic house, Sculpture park, A friend of mines little girls birthday party at Pizza Planet (there is my pizza), A friend from my old job, My pastor and his wife and a church service there. I want to eat at Bandannas, Were going to have a mini Thanksgiving dinner at my friends house, I want to see my friend Brian and he is to help me buy guitar strings for my hubby. (I'm also going to hit the Social Security office and order my babies card)
While in Jackson: There we will be staying all over the place, we are staying at my moms the first weekend then at my sisters for a bit and maybe if I get my drivers lic renewed early in the week I will drive to Springfield and stay with one of my other siblings. I have three that live in Springfield and a total of 6 nieces and one great nephew that live there. I hope I can get my license.
Places to go People to see: Obviously my sister Shawndra and her family, my mom, my dad (a little nervous about this), My friend Erin who is going to have a new baby while I'm in town. My friend Tammy.
I want to eat at Logans Steak house, eat caramel Apples, eat tons of dark chocolate, lots of Ice Cream, and eat at Lamberts
I want to go to a creak (even if its to cold to play in it), the mall, 2 pumpkin patches, the Grocery store, Dollar Tree, The park.
I plan to buy: Good coffee, a new Journal, Cheddar Cheese (if I can get some good recommendations on getting it back without it ruining), Gravy-taco-chili mixes, Sausage (again if I can find a good way to package it without it ruining)Chocolate, Shafley Beer (its from St. Louis and October fest will be on the shelves, and pumpkin ale... Yumm)Plastic Easter eggs and anything else Eastery that I can find at a party store, To go Coffee cups, A scrapbook (if I can find one on sale), and scrapbook junk, My healing gardens perfume, caramel Apples, a ducky inflatable tub for the baby, Cheezits. Oh and some trinket give away stuff for friends and family here (but what I have no idea) I also plan to find some Christmas presents for Issacs mom and sisters again I don't know what but I'm sure Ill find something.
Oh and I plan to hit some used book stores and buy up some reading material.
Wow what a list I hope I don't run out of money.

My neighborhood

I love, love, love when others put up pictures of where they are from in Mexico. I actually never put pictures in my blog. Honestly I hate having to resize them and I always seem to get them wrong, but here goes another try. This is the area that I take my daughters out for walks. This is what we see with in walking distance from our casa.

Time to hop on the plane.

That is right people I'm going to visit the States. The day I fly out will be almost one year and four months from the day I flew in to Mexico. I haven't visited before for multiple reasons. One was that after 2 years of not living with my husband I wasn't ready to be parted from him for more than his work hours. Also I was scared to spend money out of our savings because we are still using quite a bit out of it weekly to keep us above water. Im glad I waited, I finally feel that this is my home and I know by the end of the trip I will be ready to come back to it. Also we would have ran out of our savings long before we did and long before we were able to get any more. Because we are looking into the Canada situation I closed out my last ties to the US which was my 401K. It hurt but I did it because we were flat broke and there was no way we would have enough to immigrate again. After adding up all fees and what we thought it would cost my husband decided with the left over I should go to visit my family. We don't know when the opportunity will come again and he is right it has been a long time. The good thing about Canada immigration is that if you pay your fees and are not granted the visa then you get your money back. If the US did this we would still have plenty of cash left over. ARRGGGG. So if it doesnt fly then I will continue to find a way to work as a nurse here in Mexico. Anyway that was a side note. Moving on.
So we found some fairly cheap flights and we will be in Missouri for 3 full weeks. I was so nervous when I was buying the tickets. I just knew I would type in something wrong or screw something up. I didn't but still had my husband double check the names when he got home from work. Then I started thinking about how it was to travel with Alana alone and now I have two. This didn't keep me down to long I just know we will be ok. Also Im not depressed and anxiety ridden like I was back then so that will make things way smother. So many emotions flooded through me that day. First I was litteraly jumping up and down laughing with my 3yr old that she gets to see her grandma, aunts, cousins, and our good friends. She didn't understand why we were jumping and screaming but hey it was fun for her anyway. Then I got mad at the fact that I couldn't add my husband to the list for the tickets, and soon realized I would miss him. But quickly I also realized that this missing him would be different than before. This time we were not in a long dark tunnel with no end in site. This time we will know that in exactly 21 days we will be once again sleeping in the same bed every night. This will help to make the trip more enjoyable. When I use to visit him in Mexico I would be counting the days down in my head until I would have to leave him again. No counting down this time, I'm going to have fun. And when he came home from work and I told him of my roller coaster of feelings he huged me and said, "Of course I would love to go with you, but I cant, and so you have to do all the things I would want to do. You have to have fun for me, eat for me, hug for me. And of course take lots and lots of videos and pictures." This and because he was the one who started the search for the plane tickets in the first place made me feel better about it. Sure the angry feeling slips in here and there and sometimes when Im talking to him about what I want to do I feel a little guilty. But he can usually tell and catches me and reminds me not to. Its not my fault that he cant go, and as he keeps telling me, "You deserve a vacation mama."
And so I do, and so I will, and any time those bad thoughts or feelings try to creep in I will hear him saying that and I will take a video or picture of what ever Im doing so he can share it with me when I get home.
Ok so now that that's all out of the way I start getting a little nervous. Iv been in a small town in Mexico for over a year. Will it be weird for me there? Will I try to speak to people in Spanish? Who knows, now I'm just feeling excited. Iv notified all the appropriate people and am making plans so as not to miss out on anything or anyone while there. I'm seriously making a list of all the things I want to do, places I want to go, and stuff I want to eat.
I leave on Oct 20th so a little less than 2 weeks, almost time to start packing.

Patience

This is a virtue Iv always struggled with, I like immediate gratification. Also I feel punctuality is an even more important virtue. Or I did at least. The verse that God has frequently in my life had to bring back to me is in Mathew and it talks about not worrying about anything including the future. This is the real reason I want things now is so that I don't have to worry about if I will get them or not. I like to go back and read old journal entries to see if I have learned anything from myself, and if I haven't, if I can. I do it a lot during the first of the year but randomly Ill flip back a few months and take a look. Today was one of those days. Here is a blip of the entry I read. The parenthesis is just a little explanation.
(this was at the bottom of a bible study entry)
*Side note, since I've been here (Mexico) I felt as though I had not learned the patience or goodness or what ever it was that I was suppose to learn through the last 2 years of trial(meaning the years I lived in the states raising my daughter without my husband). But I realize what I did learn is that when I lose my grip on that patience and goodness I just have to honestly pray and ask for God to help me to do, say, and feel what is right for the situation. (end of quote)
The reason this entry struck me so this morning is because over the last week I have noticed my change in reaction to things like waiting, and not getting answers when I want them, which is always now. Like I said this is something that has been a part of me since I can remember. I have always, even before following Christ, analyzed myself and tried to find ways to better my faults. And this patience issue has always been one that I have struggled with since I was young. If when I was 12 and first discovered this in my self you would have told me, "Just move to Mexico and that will help you." I would have been like, "ok, I love the world and I want to go." If you had told me at 16 when I was trying to look inside myself, I would have been like, "Hell no, Id be lost without my friends. But then again isn't there good drugs in Mexico?" lol
Then if you would have asked me at 20 I would have said, "No way I'm trying to get my life on track here, I'm in school again and want to be a nurse finally." Then at 25 when I married and illegal alien I still refused that Mexico was the place I needed to be. Then almost 4 years later and a lot of court dates and legal mumbo jumbo I accepted the call to move to Mexico. After all did I really have a choice, well of course I did, you always have a choice. I chose to live with my family together and in no way expect it to help me become a better person. Well look what happens when you finally listen to Gods call of his will for you life. You become more of the person you and He have always wanted you to be.

Night out with Hubby finally

Finally the last time my husbands mom was here to stay the night he asked her if we could head out for a few hours while she was here with the girls. There is a new bowling ally here we wanted to check out. Its actually very modern compared to most places in town. I had pumped and had some bottles prepared so I could have a beer with my hubby. I'm not a get drunk drinker anymore but I like to have a couple while out. We got there and realized they had pool also and chose to play pool instead. We had a lot of fun and both said it reminded us of when we were dating. When I was living in the States and visiting him we only went out one time because he wanted to spend as much time as possible with out daughter during our visits which was understandable. And since we've been here Iv been pregnant so we did go out a few times but it was more for going out to eat. We had a blast and it was good for us to get some time together to just be alone and yet out at the same time.
So here is the funny part and something that blew me away. We didn't know the place was closing at 11pm and had just ordered our second beer (yes we are slow drinkers lol). they put them in to go cups for us. Can you imagine, I kept saying are you sure they are gonna let us leave with this. Issac just kept laughing and saying yes. So off we went on our way home with my husband sipping on the last of my second beer and his. Seriously only in Mexico.

I hit 20

No not my age I hit that awhile back. I have 20 readers, I know its cheesy but that's exciting. :) The best thing is that most of you are not just readers but I chat back and forth with you and are becoming friends. This blog was one of the best things Iv done for myself since moving to Mexico. Thanks all for reading and keeping this American company while living in Mexico.

Decisions

When we were out getting my pictures printed we stopped into a school for English because we heard they were hiring. Due to my recent crazy wanting to do something outburst my hubby suggested we stop in to see what we would have to do to get me started. They gave us a number for a school in Guad that I would have to attend to get a teachers cirt. They practically begged me to call and go to the classes and come see them as soon as possible. The problem is that the classes are 4 days a week for 2 months and Guad is 2 hours from here. I have a not quiet one month old and am determined to nurse her until shes 9months. (sigh, triple sigh) We plan to call today and see if there are any compressed classes. They have a new class staring in the end of May so Im thinking the next one would be July and maybe Id be more ready for it by then. They way they were acting I think there would still be plenty of openings in 4 or 5 mo when Id be ready to go get the cirt and start actual work. I asked her how much Spanish was necessary and she said the less the better. Well there you go thats my kinda place. ;)I feel so torn, Im so ready to work again and honestly we could use the extra income but I also want to stay home with my girls. Im sure IM not the only mommy who feels this way so if there's any advise out there from other moms please leave it. We have enough savings for me to stay home another 6 mo or so but should we really use it up on regular living what if something big happens and we need it later. ARRRRGGGG. Ok now Im thinking about it to much I need to just wait until we call and get all the details. The good thing is that I know I dont have to wait until Im speaking fluent Spanish to work. I just have to find a way over the classes in Guad hurdle.

Hosea

The study I have been doing (or trying to do on the mornings I can without one child or the other fussing at me) is on the book Hosea. The interesting thing and the reason I'm actually blogging on it is because after each chapter there are questions and a lot of times they ask you to compare your current society to Isreal in Hoseas day. I cant help but compare both the society in the States and in Mexico because I still feel so close to the one in the states and hear about it a lot from friends and family. But after being in Mexico almost a year I really feel that to say "my society" it would be Mexico.
The first question I came across like this was: Do you feel encouraged or discouraged about your society?
When it comes to the states I know everyone is all freaked out about the economy and the war and the change in government. But even with all this I see the U.S. as a strong country that will pull through. And that Americans as a whole will hopefully learn to appreciate what they have through this. I already know a lot of people who appreciate their jobs a lot more than they did less than a year ago. And Ill be the first to admit that I didn't appreciate my job like I should have when I was there. As far as how I feel about Mexico, things are not as bad as people may think. Like in the states if you really want a job you can find one, and you can cut back to live with in your means. Since my husband has been here (for 3 years now) he has lived in 2 states and 3 towns and has been able to find a job the whole time. We are living on one income right now and sure sometimes we don't get to buy all the crap we want but we have yet to go hungry. I will have to admit that we do dip into savings at times to indulge in things like extra junk food or pictures for me to make a scrap book. And we can only hope that when the savings are out I will be able to work to replace the amount we are using out of it. But even if I cant we know that we can survive on what my husband is making. So I have to say although things are rough in both societies I am encouraged that things can and will get better for both. I see changes here everyday that seem to be moving in the right direction. And although things in the States seem to be going south I know the American people can withstand it and that the country will pull through.
The other comparison question was how I would compare my society to the society in Israel in the time of Hosea. I think here in Mexico and in the States things could deff be described similar to Isreal in Chapter 4. Although the type of sexual sins have changed and although there may still be prostitution I feel things have shifted slightly. But as far as the idolatry I know that both places have a lot of that. In the states the idolatry is centered around money, and things. Here in Mexico the Catholic faith idolizes the saints and Mother Mary. I'm sure Noncatholic Christians at times still idolize things, I know I still have this as an issue to continue working on.

25 things about me

25 Things you may or may not know about me.
So I did this for a friend of mine on face book and decided since I took the time to type it up I might as well put it on here also. Have fun.


1. The most important goal in my life is that when I die, I get to hear God say, “Well done.”
2. I moved to Mexico because I feel God told me to do it. No because of loe or family or any other reason (I think these are good reasons just not mine.)
3. Im most at peace while reading or writing and hearing my daughter laugh at my husband in the background.
4. Almost every day Mexico frustrates, and exhausts me and then amazes and energizes me.
5. I wonder often why Im here on this earth and why Iv ever been where I was at the time. I know life has a higher purpose that will always allude us and that we wont get to know the truest of until were dead. But its fun to try and figure it out while alive.
6. I love tidiness and punctuality both of which a lot of people close to me lack.
7. I miss the smile on patients’ faces when Iv helped them with my actions, touch, smile or words. And I miss sticking people for IV’s, but that’s all I miss about work. 
8. My husband melts me when he tells me I am the love of his life
9. I have picked up backing, I find the challenge it brings me calming, and getting it perfect is rewarding.
10. Im a slight perfectionist in everything I do. I didn’t realize this until I was about 19, because before that I was to stoned to notice. (My husband would make me take the slight off the first sentence. I drive him nuts with it sometimes. lol )
11. I love finding and watching interesting movies that are just well made or haven’t been seen or heard of by most people. Recent example is The Fall.
12. No one has ever made me laugh more hysterically (since a child) than my husband and now my daughter.
13. Alana is the most beautiful ting Iv ever seen in my life and I often wonder how you can feel this way for more than one child. (I shall soon find out.)
14. I love fruit, cheese, and chocolate of all kinds and no not together as my husband would tell you I do.
15. I keep a journal of my life events, feelings, thoughts, and spiritual journey and have since I was 15. I burned my first journal at 15 and this is one of the greatest regrets of my life.
16. I was never a girl to dream of my wedding day and plan it out. (Only that I wanted to be barefooted and I was.) But my wedding was like a fairy tale and was exactly what I would have dreamed of if I had.
17. With in the 1st 2months of dating my husband I head butted him for saying something mean and farted on his lap to see his reaction. He married me anyway. Lol
18. It angers me in the middle of the night to hear my husband snore because I know it means hes getting sleep and Im not.
19. I sometimes struggle with not staying in the present and either trying to plan or worry about the future.
20. A lot of these things my husband is the exact opposite of me. Examples are numbers 6,7,10,15,19,21
21. When catastrophe strikes I somehow always stay calm and collected and this is when I think most clearly. Usually my mind is kinda fuzzy (which is why I want everything in order).
22. I love to read to Alana, play educational games and give her experiences that will broaden her perspective on life. Yes she’s only 2 but she is so smart and picks so much up already.
23. The dearest person to my heart next to my husband and daughter is Shawndra (my sister). NO one else has done more for me physically, spiritually or emotionally. She has made me a better person.
24. My couch is still always open to loved ones even though its in Mexico.
25. My husband and I love to let Alanas imagination take off. If she says there is a piggy in my floor, then there is and we go and pet it.

25 things about me

25 Things you may or may not know about me.
So I did this for a friend of mine on face book and decided since I took the time to type it up I might as well put it on here also. Have fun.


1. The most important goal in my life is that when I die, I get to hear God say, “Well done.”
2. I moved to Mexico because I feel God told me to do it. No because of loe or family or any other reason (I think these are good reasons just not mine.)
3. Im most at peace while reading or writing and hearing my daughter laugh at my husband in the background.
4. Almost every day Mexico frustrates, and exhausts me and then amazes and energizes me.
5. I wonder often why Im here on this earth and why Iv ever been where I was at the time. I know life has a higher purpose that will always allude us and that we wont get to know the truest of until were dead. But its fun to try and figure it out while alive.
6. I love tidiness and punctuality both of which a lot of people close to me lack.
7. I miss the smile on patients’ faces when Iv helped them with my actions, touch, smile or words. And I miss sticking people for IV’s, but that’s all I miss about work. 
8. My husband melts me when he tells me I am the love of his life
9. I have picked up backing, I find the challenge it brings me calming, and getting it perfect is rewarding.
10. Im a slight perfectionist in everything I do. I didn’t realize this until I was about 19, because before that I was to stoned to notice. (My husband would make me take the slight off the first sentence. I drive him nuts with it sometimes. lol )
11. I love finding and watching interesting movies that are just well made or haven’t been seen or heard of by most people. Recent example is The Fall.
12. No one has ever made me laugh more hysterically (since a child) than my husband and now my daughter.
13. Alana is the most beautiful ting Iv ever seen in my life and I often wonder how you can feel this way for more than one child. (I shall soon find out.)
14. I love fruit, cheese, and chocolate of all kinds and no not together as my husband would tell you I do.
15. I keep a journal of my life events, feelings, thoughts, and spiritual journey and have since I was 15. I burned my first journal at 15 and this is one of the greatest regrets of my life.
16. I was never a girl to dream of my wedding day and plan it out. (Only that I wanted to be barefooted and I was.) But my wedding was like a fairy tale and was exactly what I would have dreamed of if I had.
17. With in the 1st 2months of dating my husband I head butted him for saying something mean and farted on his lap to see his reaction. He married me anyway. Lol
18. It angers me in the middle of the night to hear my husband snore because I know it means hes getting sleep and Im not.
19. I sometimes struggle with not staying in the present and either trying to plan or worry about the future.
20. A lot of these things my husband is the exact opposite of me. Examples are numbers 6,7,10,15,19,21
21. When catastrophe strikes I somehow always stay calm and collected and this is when I think most clearly. Usually my mind is kinda fuzzy (which is why I want everything in order).
22. I love to read to Alana, play educational games and give her experiences that will broaden her perspective on life. Yes she’s only 2 but she is so smart and picks so much up already.
23. The dearest person to my heart next to my husband and daughter is Shawndra (my sister). NO one else has done more for me physically, spiritually or emotionally. She has made me a better person.
24. My couch is still always open to loved ones even though its in Mexico.
25. My husband and I love to let Alanas imagination take off. If she says there is a piggy in my floor, then there is and we go and pet it.

First visit to meet daddy

Alana's (our daughter) doctor released her at 8 weeks old to be able to travel out of the country. I was still on maternity leave so I went and stayed with Issac in Mexico for 3 weeks. So this is a blog entry from another site that I actually wrote while I was there.

We made it and I cant explain how good it is to be in the arms of my husband holding our baby. Now I know what its realy supose to feel like. Realy I dont have many words except that if your home is where your heart is my home is in mexico right now. And I wont be home after I leave until Im back with him. It only took Alana one night to get warmed up to Issac. She now wants him as much as me. Which is a nice break for me. I can actually leave her for a bit and do things with 2 hands. The kids here are all so good and try so hard to communicate with me. Im realy doing better than I thought. ok gotta go feed alana now. Oh shes doing great with the bottel Issac loves feeding her and always burps her. man its realy great to see him with her.
Here is an entry from Issac;
Amanda was able to come to visit with me for the first time after Alana was born in September and she was able to stay there with me for 3 weeks.I got to hold my daughter for the first time. She was already two months old.When they left, i had to drop them off at the airport.It was heartbreaking. I was praying to god in tears to end this whole nightmare and bring us back together.