This is a virtue Iv always struggled with, I like immediate gratification. Also I feel punctuality is an even more important virtue. Or I did at least. The verse that God has frequently in my life had to bring back to me is in Mathew and it talks about not worrying about anything including the future. This is the real reason I want things now is so that I don't have to worry about if I will get them or not. I like to go back and read old journal entries to see if I have learned anything from myself, and if I haven't, if I can. I do it a lot during the first of the year but randomly Ill flip back a few months and take a look. Today was one of those days. Here is a blip of the entry I read. The parenthesis is just a little explanation.
(this was at the bottom of a bible study entry)
*Side note, since I've been here (Mexico) I felt as though I had not learned the patience or goodness or what ever it was that I was suppose to learn through the last 2 years of trial(meaning the years I lived in the states raising my daughter without my husband). But I realize what I did learn is that when I lose my grip on that patience and goodness I just have to honestly pray and ask for God to help me to do, say, and feel what is right for the situation. (end of quote)
The reason this entry struck me so this morning is because over the last week I have noticed my change in reaction to things like waiting, and not getting answers when I want them, which is always now. Like I said this is something that has been a part of me since I can remember. I have always, even before following Christ, analyzed myself and tried to find ways to better my faults. And this patience issue has always been one that I have struggled with since I was young. If when I was 12 and first discovered this in my self you would have told me, "Just move to Mexico and that will help you." I would have been like, "ok, I love the world and I want to go." If you had told me at 16 when I was trying to look inside myself, I would have been like, "Hell no, Id be lost without my friends. But then again isn't there good drugs in Mexico?" lol
Then if you would have asked me at 20 I would have said, "No way I'm trying to get my life on track here, I'm in school again and want to be a nurse finally." Then at 25 when I married and illegal alien I still refused that Mexico was the place I needed to be. Then almost 4 years later and a lot of court dates and legal mumbo jumbo I accepted the call to move to Mexico. After all did I really have a choice, well of course I did, you always have a choice. I chose to live with my family together and in no way expect it to help me become a better person. Well look what happens when you finally listen to Gods call of his will for you life. You become more of the person you and He have always wanted you to be.
If anyone understands exactly what you are going through, it's me! (And the other bloggers!) The first year of living in Mexico is ALWAYS the hardest. First, you have to get over the initial shock and then you learn and experience the cultural differences. And if that weren't enough, you add the fact that your were used to raising your daughter alone, living and working in the States. You had independence. All of a sudden you're living in a new country with a different language, and now you have to learn to depend on your hubby. It ain't easy!
ReplyDeleteSure, you could have chosen the "easier" life that you were accustomed to, but then Alana, would never have experienced the joys of being with her Papí, and you might not have had Joslyn. But, you "chose" the more difficult road, which was to leave everything you knew and love and moved to the unknown. Now look at all the blessings that are around you. You're living with your hubby. Alana gets to interact with her Papí on a daily basis, and now you have Joslyn.
About the patience and getting the answers you want NOW, well, you're still in the learning process. We all are. There are things that we have to work for on a daily basis. And what a better learning place than Mexico. The people here are so very patient! And one of these days, you'll realize that you are learning the same patience.
Relax and enjoy the blessings that are in your life. Hugs and God Bless.
I believe in this life I am to learn patience. Living in Mexico has definetely made me come to terms with myself and how i react to situations/everyday life! I'm coming to the close of my first year here... and damn if Leslie isn't right!!! It's been hella hard, frustrating, discouraging, hopeless etc.... but I think that living here in Mexico, I think you have to realize that you can't control everything and good things will come... just you must be PATIENT!!!!
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think you are a very strong woman and have probably grown both spiritually and stronger in your sense of self. It takes a lot of huevos, moving to the unknown. But I feel that here we can let go of those "pressures" back home and focus on ourselves/family...head to the beach, have a michelada and realize how good we really do have it. :)
Thanks for sharing that Amanda, I too understand exactly what you mean, its almost like were trying to fight our destiny if that makes any sense ;)
ReplyDeleteI really admire you and your strength.
ReplyDeleteLeslie-as usual you hit the nail on the head and reminded me that I'm not a lone. Thank you. And I do see a lot more patience in me since Iv moved here.
ReplyDeleteDreamer-I agree also about the first year, glad mines over now and yours will be soon.
Mama-Yes you made since and I know Up until we made the final decision to move I was running also.
AMM- Im not sure if its strength or stubbornness. When I make a decision and am sure its the right one nothing will turn me around. ;)