Friday, May 28, 2010

A breaking heart

So I have always been pretty tinder hearted. As child it came out often as tears. My family use to tease that a falling leaf would make me tear up. As a muchacha it came out as a peace loving hippy. And as an adult I have held on to both of these releases. Before I met my current husband I use to try and try to not cry over things and I would hold it all in till the one fateful day or night when all alone and just let it out. Thankfully he reminded me its ok to let my love out in this way and to let others see it. I have also since my teen years written a lot and find that this helps to ease the pain I feel for others. Of course since I have become close to Christ I also find that prayer combined with all of these things helps. When I use to work night shifts my rounds didn't only consist of checking foleys and IVs but I would also pray with all my heart over my patients. Something that my personality wont let me understand is how it is possible for people to be so mean to each other. Now mind you I don't mean short lapses in judgment or a loss of temper, believe me I suffer these as much as anyone. So now with this brief insight I go into to point of this post.

Recently my heart has been in my throat more than one day regarding things that are going on my home country. Even though I don't live there it still affects me and I just cant ignore it. I cant understand how people can be so cruel and in that cruelty not see past their own noses.Before I say to much more I want to add that my husband and I are not for illegal immigration to the US or we would be there. Believe me we thought about it after he got his permanent ban. But we knew in our spirit that that was not the rout God had planned for us. To be honest there is just so much to say on this issue that I don't think can really say it all. And I am not upset at those who are angry about the illegals. What I hate is the profiling and racism that is flying left and right because of that anger. I agree that all immigrants should go through the legal rout. BUT (wish I could make that bigger)after being through the system myself and seeing its many wholes and leaks and fall throughs I also know why they don't. Why can we channel all this hatred and energy into a solution instead of hurting so many people. And why on earth is Mexico getting hit so hard, they are not the only illegals there. I saw a picture of a sign where people were even talking badly about Mexican babies. How can you do that how can you bring babies who so far have made no decisions in life into this. And how can you talk of any human being as if they are cattle or items to be dealt with. A person no matter who they are is a person.
What is worse is that I have seen people pull then name of Christ into their arguments. This must break his spirit so to see his name used in such a hateful way. Jesus loves all kinds... everyone.. the poor.. the broken.. thank God he even loves the druggies or I would have never came back around.
I know there is no easy solution but what I do know is that guns, hatred, ignorant words, and turning on our own kind is not the solution. Violence has never been the solution and so often we have seen this in the past why can we not learn as a people. I think the worse part is feeling so helpless. And seeing so many hurting and seeing so many who think that its ok if you hurt because you were not born in the US. Its never ok to hurt we all bleed and cry.

Anyway like I said I'm not going to get into the politics because really there is just to much to say. This post is to be more of the effect of all the hatred and how even though I'm not there it still affects us. I cant imagine how hard it is for those couple still in the states. Before I left often in my job your personal life comes into conversation with patients and families. And you have no idea the grief I got from the same people I was praying over.

To end this post I want to say the other day when my heart was truly bleeding over this issue I posted about it on facebook and you wouldn't believe the response. I was quickly reminded of where the love is. There is a lot of love out there but as we know it takes three good things to reverse on bad. But aside from that I am so thankful for all the support I have and I only pray that others can have the same. This is a call to all who pray to pray for those who are being so poorly treated in our country. And that we pray that this issue doesn't start some type of civil war, and that it can be helped before it gets to much worse.


  1. Thanks for posting about this. I agree with you... I think illegal immigration is wrong, but when you see how flawed and difficult the system is, it's easy to see why many do it illegally.

    So, I understand both sides of the issue, and am very hurt by the anger some have. Still, I think those people are a minority, and most people are much more welcoming, or at least somewhat understanding.

    One thing I've learned here in Mexico is that most Mexicans actually have no desire to live in the States. I think it's mostly the people who really need to catch a break for their families who make their way over there. Can't speak for other countries, but that's what I've seen here.

  2. Thanks that was beautiful. I too am torn apart about this and just am hardly able to comprehend. I'm really wanting to do a documentary about how all types of people are american. This is nice, thanks.

  3. I think that part of the problem is that people take their rightful and justifiable complaints and concerns about a particular situation and place the blame or their anger on the people and not the problem.

    I too would not have come if my situation would not have been different. But my life is here and I love it. But when I see people who are making a valid point - .loose it when they focus on the wrong thing- people stop listening.

    I think your husband is right- show your emotions- they are the most real part of you.

    I am dealing with a person from Texas who is stocking me and leaving the most horrible of comments on my blog. I am not publishing them but the things he is saying about me- my husband and my kids is killing me. Where could his hatred of me come from?

  4. I was in the US a month ago and everywhere on radio and TV, it's as though the commentators have NOTHING else to talk about over there. There are LOTS of other problems in the US, but this is the ONLY thing they want to talk about. This is eerily identical to the pre-WW2 institutionalized hatred of the Jewish people by Hitler, and we all know how that ended.

    The Hispanics are being blamed for everything that isn't right with life over there. And the horrible part is that it's all in violation of the US Constitution, yet the movement against Hispanics is being led by the very political officials who were elected to be protectors of the US Constitution and therefore to protect the human rights of all human beings within its borders--and nowhere does it say that human rights only apply to its citizens. (Not to mention that it all violates the federal laws on hate crimes.)

    The US is fast going to hell in a handbasket, as my grandma used to say.

    Parents who are hate-mongers raise up children to be hate-mongers.

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  6. gringation- I do agree with you that it may be minority of people but some those people are in positions to make big changes like in Arizona. For sure most of my family (husbands family) that is here have no want to go to the states. And the ones that are there though would never come back if given the choice. Its really a personal thing but hey why not be given the choice.
    PV- I really cant imagine being there like you are right now. I hope none of this lands on your door step you have enough going on.
    Tulum- I agree that arguments loose credibility when they start targeting specific people or groups. And like you said I see their arguments and understand them but what I dont get is stuff like this guy writing you hateful comments. First of all doesnt he have something better to do with his life. You have a beautiful family and I hate the idea that anyone would be so harsh with them.
    Gail- Im from MO and even before I left 2 years ago it was getting bad on the TV and radio. And the every day conversations at work. I really cant imagine what its like now. I know one of my sisters was saying she hears it all the time and having an interracial daughter and then my situation she cringes over it all the time.

    I must say sometimes ignorance is bliss as far as not having it shoved in my face daily like it was before I left. But even with it not being so close its still there and will continue to be on my mind and thoughts.

  7. Thank you Amanda for a great post and your honesty. I get so sick of watching the news and reading it online and seeing all the hate. It breaks my heart beacause my son is half mexican and i hate to think that he may someday be discrimated against because of this, that people would look at him and think he does not have a right to be here under an assumption based on how he looks. I am ashamed to admit that i have been at times, thankful that he looks more like me and less like his father for that reason.

    I want my son to be proud of his father and who heis and not ever think it is something he needs to hide or be ashamed of.

  8. It's got to the point where I won't use taxis in the US bc 99 times out of 100 the cab driver has his radio station set to some horrible hate-talk Limbaugh type station spewing this garbage 24/7. I'd rather stand in the rain for 30 minutes without an umbrella waiting for the stupid effed-up-always late #4 Division Street bus than to take an 8 dollar 4 minute cab ride because if I'm stuck in a cab one more time with that crap on the air, I might have to do hard time for choking the living **** out of the driver. No more taxis for me over there. I don't even use cabs in Los Angeles, no way, it's the bus for me or I hoof it.

  9. Yes, I agree with you on much of what you have said. Sadly, people use the name of Christ to practice hatred. As I have gotten older, I value kindness more and more as a genuine fruit of the character of a Christian. Ephesians 4:32 is a favorite verse: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

  10. The eruption of such negative emotions makes me sad as well. But when I think about how long human beings have fought and killed each other over so many years, I realize this is just another stitch in the fabric of time. Until each person decides to lay their own interests aside, I'm afraid we will never solve these problems.

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  12. Hey Amanda--
    This breaks my heart, too. Why have we come to the point in the US that we can't even pause to consider someone else's opinion? What's happened to caring or understanding? Most Americans are caring, so where does this hatred and venom come from?
    While it may be of little comfort to you, I enjoyed this article in Newsweek. There's hope out there!

  13. Amanda, I'm a lot like you in that I sometimes feel like my heart is too big for this world. I cry at the smallest injustice, and the recent events surrounding the immigration debate have really hit home for me too. I live in Phoenix, the center of all the BS regarding the immigration bill, and it is astonishing how hateful people can be. I take my daughter down to Mexico to visit her dad (my boyfriend of almost 6 years), and I am almost ashamed to let people there know where I'm from. That said, there are a lot of people here that are fighting this madness every step of the way. Unfortunately, it just seems these people are (literally) in the minority. I just wanted to stop by and say I hear ya, mama.

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  15. Rebecca- Seriously I feel you are in the hot seat right now, and someday soon you will see that this stuff is much easier here. Dont feel bad about your feelings about Daniel what you are wanting is whats best for him.
    Lauri- I love that you put the verse on here. Like you said I dont only want that verse to apply to others but my self also. For this reason I waited 2 days after my initial emotional blow up to actually write this post or else I may not have been able to be as kind with it.
    Leah you are so right this is just one more sad stitch and the bible lets us know full well that we as broken beings will continue to do stupid things until the day Christ comes. But also like you sad it will never stop breaking our hearts.
    steve and covnitkepr- welcome I hope you enjoy my blog, and I did check yours out, reading them will be a nice change of pace so I will add them. Thanks
    Jill thank you so much for the link and if you ever find more please keep them coming. From the one you gave me I actually found another really good one that I posted on my facebook page. You should check it out. Its proof in numbers that illegal immigrants do not rise but have shown to lower the crime levels in big cities.
    Jen wow in Phoenix geese girl stay strong. You should know though that although there are some hard core stereotypes here in Mexico many people will not treat you badly because of them. For the most part they will give you a chance to prove yourself. Hey I went to your profile to see if you had a blog and by what you wrote it looks like you do but I cant find it. Can you send me a link.

  16. I agree with you, too.
    I live in a city where half of our population is Mexican immigrants. Oh I love them to death! So much that I've mastered a new language, just so I could get to know some of them better!
    One friend I've made has the same problem that you and your husband faced. Her husband is in jail for immigration stuff..and it's soo hard for her and their two children..ugh! I get soo angry sometimes! Wish I could just fix EVERYTHING to do with our immigration issues..give all these Mexicans a chance to live LEGALLY, in this amazing, free, and beautiful country! All these immigrants want is respect, acceptance, freedom, and a chance at the American Dream. I wish I could give it to them all..