Time to hop on the plane.

That is right people I'm going to visit the States. The day I fly out will be almost one year and four months from the day I flew in to Mexico. I haven't visited before for multiple reasons. One was that after 2 years of not living with my husband I wasn't ready to be parted from him for more than his work hours. Also I was scared to spend money out of our savings because we are still using quite a bit out of it weekly to keep us above water. Im glad I waited, I finally feel that this is my home and I know by the end of the trip I will be ready to come back to it. Also we would have ran out of our savings long before we did and long before we were able to get any more. Because we are looking into the Canada situation I closed out my last ties to the US which was my 401K. It hurt but I did it because we were flat broke and there was no way we would have enough to immigrate again. After adding up all fees and what we thought it would cost my husband decided with the left over I should go to visit my family. We don't know when the opportunity will come again and he is right it has been a long time. The good thing about Canada immigration is that if you pay your fees and are not granted the visa then you get your money back. If the US did this we would still have plenty of cash left over. ARRGGGG. So if it doesnt fly then I will continue to find a way to work as a nurse here in Mexico. Anyway that was a side note. Moving on.
So we found some fairly cheap flights and we will be in Missouri for 3 full weeks. I was so nervous when I was buying the tickets. I just knew I would type in something wrong or screw something up. I didn't but still had my husband double check the names when he got home from work. Then I started thinking about how it was to travel with Alana alone and now I have two. This didn't keep me down to long I just know we will be ok. Also Im not depressed and anxiety ridden like I was back then so that will make things way smother. So many emotions flooded through me that day. First I was litteraly jumping up and down laughing with my 3yr old that she gets to see her grandma, aunts, cousins, and our good friends. She didn't understand why we were jumping and screaming but hey it was fun for her anyway. Then I got mad at the fact that I couldn't add my husband to the list for the tickets, and soon realized I would miss him. But quickly I also realized that this missing him would be different than before. This time we were not in a long dark tunnel with no end in site. This time we will know that in exactly 21 days we will be once again sleeping in the same bed every night. This will help to make the trip more enjoyable. When I use to visit him in Mexico I would be counting the days down in my head until I would have to leave him again. No counting down this time, I'm going to have fun. And when he came home from work and I told him of my roller coaster of feelings he huged me and said, "Of course I would love to go with you, but I cant, and so you have to do all the things I would want to do. You have to have fun for me, eat for me, hug for me. And of course take lots and lots of videos and pictures." This and because he was the one who started the search for the plane tickets in the first place made me feel better about it. Sure the angry feeling slips in here and there and sometimes when Im talking to him about what I want to do I feel a little guilty. But he can usually tell and catches me and reminds me not to. Its not my fault that he cant go, and as he keeps telling me, "You deserve a vacation mama."
And so I do, and so I will, and any time those bad thoughts or feelings try to creep in I will hear him saying that and I will take a video or picture of what ever Im doing so he can share it with me when I get home.
Ok so now that that's all out of the way I start getting a little nervous. Iv been in a small town in Mexico for over a year. Will it be weird for me there? Will I try to speak to people in Spanish? Who knows, now I'm just feeling excited. Iv notified all the appropriate people and am making plans so as not to miss out on anything or anyone while there. I'm seriously making a list of all the things I want to do, places I want to go, and stuff I want to eat.
I leave on Oct 20th so a little less than 2 weeks, almost time to start packing.