I am currently a teacher in a preschool/primary and a co-pastor at our church. My calling is to lead and instruct, to care and love, to guide and teach. Most of this calling is being done in Spanish. Many times the enemy has entered in and said, " How on earth do think you can do this. You are not even from here. You don't understand these people. They are saying things that you don't really get. You are only going to confuse them." Etcetera, Etcetrea, I could go on for half a page with all the crap he tells me.
I loved speech class in high school. It was one of the only classes I got good grades in. That and sciences. Even though I was a rebel child and was extremely disinterested in school, speech class was one of the highlights of my day. Any job I held since the age of 15 I was told I was a great communicator. That I was able to get my thoughts across and people could understand me well. As a nurse I worked a lot with the teaching aspect to instruct and teach and again I was often praised for a job well done.
All this to say that in my 30's God placed me in multiple positions of teaching and leading which I had to do in a second language. There have been times when I wanted to be like Moses in Exodus 4 and say.10Then Moses said to the LORD, "Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." or 13But he said, "Please, Lord, now send the message by whomever You will." But any time I did start to slack off and let someone else speak for me a hunger rose up in me. I felt an urge to express the love or encouragement in the way God gave me to do it. Here is the thing, God can always find someone else, as he found Aaron for Moses, to do what he has asked you to do. But he has asked you to do it because he needs your stamp on it.
So when God speaks and says. 11The LORD said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? 12"Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say." Then I say ok Lord I will go. But how many times do I fail, and stumble. It is still such a struggle and a punch to my pride that I can not be well spoken and eloquent in my speech. OHHHH!!! There it is my friends. God uses the our weakest parts for his work so that all the glory can be his, as it should be.
I was recently reminded of the importance of this when listening to a well known prophet speak. His name is thrown around often in our church meetings and to be honest I had never really listened to one of his sermons. The other day a friend of mine sent me one because it was speaking about a word I had recently received. As I listen to it I realized that he was a horrible speaker. This makes me laugh out loud because he speaks in his native language (English). I tell you this not to say I was judging him but just that without meaning to I had my speech teachers checklist in my head and he was flunking. And this was when God steeped in and said, " Your right, but he impacts millions of lives every day, he reveals my love and intentions for people using his gifting and using it in the way I see fit. And even though you feel like you have been failing people in your manner of speaking in Spanish, you are reaching their souls in a way no other can." Yep I'm crying now even typing this. My Papi has such a beautiful way of speaking to me. And the point in writing this blog is so that any of you who doubt what you are called to do just because you were not trained or raised to do it, my hope is that i can encourage you to stay steady. Don't be like Moses in this aspect. Trust God to give you your words and speak through your mouth. Don't wait around until he sends an Aaron.
It is true that if you wait for your Aaron he will still reach hearts just like he did with Moses but it wont be the same. He wants you, he wants your weakness, he wants your errors, he wants your relationship. God taught me a lot about pride in my 20's and when he brought me to Mexico my pride was broke into tiny little pieces because had I held onto it I would have been broken into a million pieces. And even though I let it go, it still tries to peak its ugly little head in from time to time and say, " How silly you look, How silly you sound." And this is when I lean back on my Papi and say, " Let my words be your words, let your feelings be represented and not mine. Speak through me and let your message be clearly received."
So now it is time to continue another week, to go and minister, with a microphone in front of at least 60-70 people in our evening service, to let the Spirit of Christ himself speak through my mouth. To guide children and to love them, to speak life into my coworkers, and express His love. And most of all to do all of this with confidence. Confidence in part in my self because if God says I can I am doubting him by saying I cant. And confidence in the Holy Spirit that he will guide me in all knowledge.
So if you are doubting your calling or your gifting that may be a good sign. But what action you take next is the real key. Are you going to do as Moses and argue with God about it or are you going to say, " If you say so, I will walk in that."