Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The certainty of uncertainty

Any one who has lived here in Mexico long can decipher the title of this post. As of yet I still get anxious and frustrated with the certainty of uncertainty around here. To be perfectly honest the only thing you can ever be sure of is that you are rarely sure of anything. Especially if your native language is not Spanish! I find a lot of times todavia that I miss huge sections of meaning in conversations. I will go home and talk to Issac about a conversation we had with someone and find out I was way off. It makes you wonder if you really know anyone or if you ever really understand whats going on. Funny thing is this isn't even what my post is about it just falls under the uncertainty category.

Every since we moved to Guadalajara our job has been a whirl wind. One min not getting paid, next min moving on, next min not moving on, then later changing roles, then maybe moving on, then changing roles..... ext. The other thing that has been up and down is our hours, I do a lot of stuff from home but I'm finding that this is nearly impossible when Issac is at work all day and I'm here with the kids. (Yes I could be spending this time right now working but instead I'm needing to rant... lucky you) On top of this I'm expect to be giving a class at the school which is 2 hours as often during the week as I can. The sticky part is finding part time child care, and toting Alana to and from school. We have been looking into day cares but really I think what we need is a kinder that has a day care. We are suppose to be getting a plan from one via email today and I'm hoping we can take some time to go visit two tomorrow. All in all we are going to end up spending as much on day care as we do on rent every month. Which means no savings or paying back my dad for the hospital stay (having lily). At least not for a while anyway.
The thing is I know I shouldn't stress over this stuff and that God has pulled me through much stickier situations but for some reason the lump in my chest wont listen to reason. I have only felt true anxiety during one stage in my life and it was during my time in the states with Alana while Issac was here. I'm trying so hard to fight the idea that I might be letting it back in again. I dont believe it could ever get that bad again because now when i start getting all anxious Issac is here to calm me down.
The uncertainty comes in that once we finally do find the place to bring the girls no one really does part time. So I will be paying them for full time care and may not really need it. I'm sure many mommies out there can relate to this. So do you let the kids stay there full time and just come home and clean on off time or what? Does that sound horrible. To be honest in my present state a little time at home without the niñas sounds really nice. Gees some of you are shaking your heads thinking how horrible I am but its the truth.
Well thats that folks. To be honest, aside from this speed bump things are good. We still miss our friends but know that is life, Issac and I are happy, my girls are healthy, and we know things will work out. But sometimes chatting with all of you about things helps A LOT!
And here is a little regalito de dios for you


  1. I had the same problem in the states when i looked for daycare. They don't have part time rates. Mainly because daycare is so in demand that they can easily find a child to go full time rather than accepting part timers. Anyways we ended up never doing daycare. Hope you find a place you like that does not take up most of your check.

  2. I can definitely say my first few years in Mexico were filled with tons of uncertainty.

    Six years later, I feel much less anxiety. I'm not sure if I understand things better, things are going more smoothly, or I'm just used to expecting the unexpected haha

  3. Just found your blog through an search for buying a car in Mexico. Weird, huh? There was a forum for different discussions on the website and there was a link to Motherhood in Mexico blog. She has a link to your site.

    I read through a lot of your posts but don't really know what your story is in a nutshell.

    I also am an American living in Mexico. I have been here since May 2008.

    I would love to know about your situation. I have a blog as well that hasn't been updated in a long time, but feel free to check it out: www.bigvz.blogspot.com .

    Or, you could always contact me at bigvz@yahoo.com

    Hope you are having a good day.

  4. Gracias for the regalito, very Cute pix. I agree that being able to blog does help. You are very lucky that you have Issac there to help calm you down when you feel that anxiety coming on. The first time I think I started having anxiety attacks was around the time Javier got deported. It has been a little better but It is very hard to control at time like this when we are away from eachother. Sounds like you are happy right now though and I believe things will work out for all of us one way or another.

  5. Hey girl. I know how busy your schedule is, and guess what??? I say if you are paying for it anyway, you NEED some you-time! Life in GDL is far from relaxing even on a good day. Add to that kids and a husband and a job, and you have zero relax time. And asking for that does NOT make you a bad mom, Amanda. It makes you a mom who realizes that to be the best for your family, you also need down time for YOU! Don't feel bad about leaving them in the kinder for a few extra hours- they are kids and believe me, they will love the chance to be out of the house and with other kids! When I first put the boys in day care, we ran into the same thing, and I decided NOT to let them stay those extra hours. But after a week of going to get them just to have them beg and cry because they didn't want to leave yet- it got a lot easier to take that time for myself!
    So let them stay a few extra hours each week. Go shopping at the tianguis- you know you probably wouldn't normally fight the crowds with the kids in tow, and they DO have the best produce prices in town, so think of it as your time out, with the bonus of providing the best for your family at the same time! LOL
    Love you. Holler at me if you want to chat! See you son!

  6. Could you be in need of a Starbucks date? haha... Call me and it's on. ;)

  7. Well, we have found the perfect daycare/kinder. Its pricy but worth the money for our kids.
    I still dont think I will ever get completely over the uncertainty thing but thats ok. ;)

    Melissa- the answer is YES PLEASE!! Maybe Monday or Tuesday after the girls go to bed.