The certainty of uncertainty

Any one who has lived here in Mexico long can decipher the title of this post. As of yet I still get anxious and frustrated with the certainty of uncertainty around here. To be perfectly honest the only thing you can ever be sure of is that you are rarely sure of anything. Especially if your native language is not Spanish! I find a lot of times todavia that I miss huge sections of meaning in conversations. I will go home and talk to Issac about a conversation we had with someone and find out I was way off. It makes you wonder if you really know anyone or if you ever really understand whats going on. Funny thing is this isn't even what my post is about it just falls under the uncertainty category.

Every since we moved to Guadalajara our job has been a whirl wind. One min not getting paid, next min moving on, next min not moving on, then later changing roles, then maybe moving on, then changing roles..... ext. The other thing that has been up and down is our hours, I do a lot of stuff from home but I'm finding that this is nearly impossible when Issac is at work all day and I'm here with the kids. (Yes I could be spending this time right now working but instead I'm needing to rant... lucky you) On top of this I'm expect to be giving a class at the school which is 2 hours as often during the week as I can. The sticky part is finding part time child care, and toting Alana to and from school. We have been looking into day cares but really I think what we need is a kinder that has a day care. We are suppose to be getting a plan from one via email today and I'm hoping we can take some time to go visit two tomorrow. All in all we are going to end up spending as much on day care as we do on rent every month. Which means no savings or paying back my dad for the hospital stay (having lily). At least not for a while anyway.
The thing is I know I shouldn't stress over this stuff and that God has pulled me through much stickier situations but for some reason the lump in my chest wont listen to reason. I have only felt true anxiety during one stage in my life and it was during my time in the states with Alana while Issac was here. I'm trying so hard to fight the idea that I might be letting it back in again. I dont believe it could ever get that bad again because now when i start getting all anxious Issac is here to calm me down.
The uncertainty comes in that once we finally do find the place to bring the girls no one really does part time. So I will be paying them for full time care and may not really need it. I'm sure many mommies out there can relate to this. So do you let the kids stay there full time and just come home and clean on off time or what? Does that sound horrible. To be honest in my present state a little time at home without the niñas sounds really nice. Gees some of you are shaking your heads thinking how horrible I am but its the truth.
Well thats that folks. To be honest, aside from this speed bump things are good. We still miss our friends but know that is life, Issac and I are happy, my girls are healthy, and we know things will work out. But sometimes chatting with all of you about things helps A LOT!
And here is a little regalito de dios for you