Culture Shock- interaction with friends and family

Culture Shock- interaction with friends and family

I’m going to skip doing the blog on children. I just recently posted a blog on a lot of my thoughts towards that. So now I move on to the shock of interaction. This was the big one for me. I’m a social and interactive person. I’m a nurse for goodness sakes I don’t know what to do if I can’t honestly ask you how you are doing and care about what you are going to say to me. So simply knowing how to say, “Como esta.” Isn’t enough for me. I want to understand the answer and to hear the truth. Both of which I’m finding I don’t get.
My first few months here were filled with a lot of frustration and tears. There were people around me who made this better and those who made it worse. Ill start with the bad and end with the good that will bet us to a better out look right? Well I seriously didn’t even know a lot of travelers or vacationers Spanish when I came. I had just not had the time, will power, or strength to concentrate on it before I left the States. So I could say things like hello, good bye, how are you and Im fine. That’s about it. Now when I said Im social I meant I’m the one who starts the conversation up in the elevator ride or walks faster just to catch a conversation with someone I see on the street. At first I found my self instinctively trying to start these random conversations with people. Here the neighbor hood stands on the corner in the mornings waiting for the trash truck. Oddly enough Im finding that there is little conversation that goes on there. But at first I tried hard to spark up some communication. I would say, “Holla, Como estas.” They would answer then ask me a question. Ok this should be good right this is how a conversation starts. But crap I don’t understand what they are asking me. So I ask them to slow down and to say it again. (Oh I forgot that in my list of words I knew). But even then I don’t know a lot of the vocabulary so this is lost on me. After a couple days of this the neighbors started to avoid eye contact with me knowing the conversation would go in this manor. My head sinks a little lower. This will be harder than I thought. Striking out in my independence I bring Alana to the park often. Back then though even paying at the gate was an ordeal, and once I went to get us a snack and when I didn’t understand the Peso amount the couple behind the counter literally looked at me in disgust and said, “You don’t understand.” I said no and handed them what was in my hand. They counted out what I owed them and practically threw my money back to me. Ok it prob wasn’t that dramatic but when in the situation it feels like it is. My husbands’ aunt was just as bad with me and for the first couple months I was here she was the only family member in the area I had met. This was just due to my husband working all the time and we just hadn’t had a chance to go to his other aunts’ house. But the first aunt I spoke of was very quick to sigh, huff, or roll her eyes with even the times I just needed to think on a word. She frequently told me I needed to learn and study more. One day I learned how to tell her to be patient with me and that I study every day. Man that was a good day and felt so good. I told Issac that when I do learn Spanish this particular aunt wont like me very much because I think she’s rude and inconsiderate and I’m not usually one to let things like that slide. (In the moment I mean I won’t bring this old stuff up to her.) She actually one day had the nerve to grab me by the shoulders and gently shake me in frustration repeating, “You don’t understand, you never understand.” What was worse about this was that I had just told her I understood she just didn’t believe me. Now to the good people, there is a couple who own a store not even a block from our apartment. My first day in the store my sister was still here trying to help me settle in to the apartment. We went to get a jug of water. Im scared to death but am trying not to show it. I tell the lady at the counter I need water and a 2L of Coke. She starts saying something to me very fast. Im sure I looked like a deer in head lights. I asked her to speak more slowly, and that all I wanted was this container of water and soda. I then held my hand out with money in it. She looked at me with such compassion that I could tell I prob looked ridiculous. She did slow down her talk but again it didn’t help. I had only been here a couple days at this time. Suddenly I hear a man next to me saying in English, “She’s trying to tell you that you have to pay for the jug and the bottle for the water and soda then when you need more you return the containers.” AHHHHHHHH relief. Thank you God for putting this man in the store right now. Oh no problem I say and she tells me how much to giver her, counts it out of my hand slowly so I can understand and see what she is doing then counts back my change in a teaching manor. I’m all smiles at this point. I had just survived my first buying experience in Mexico. She has the guy tell me to come back any time we need to or if we have questions. And I did, we have become good friends with this family. After about the 2 month of being here I was crying often at night to Issac about the lack of communication with people and how badly I realized I needed it. During one of his trips to the store Roma told him that I should come and chat with her from time to time, that she is always there and usually alone with the kids. When I was sick in the early months of my pregnancy I would go sit at her store and she would feed me fresh fruit that helped my sickness. We would sit and “talk” for so long. This was the interaction I needed. Although it was and still is at times difficult she is always a good person to sit with when I need someone who is patient with my Spanish abilities. She is also a good way for me to see how far I have come. When Issac and I go in together she always tells him how much better Im doing. I can only imagine how much patients it takes on her part but she does it. She is a lot like I am (when Im speaking English), she talks a lot and fast. But with me she slows down and waits on me to think of my reply. And when I compose a sentence wrong she tries hard to understand the meaning then fixes the sentence and waits for me to repeat it correctly.
Aside from this couple Issac has a couple friends from work that are also very patient with me. I find that people who have truly tried to master English are the ones who are most patient. His aunt for example doesn’t know the first work in English so she has no idea how hard it is to really learn how to speak another language. These two individuals at Issacs work actually know enough English and me Spanish that with a mixture of the two we can have a coherent conversation. They also try to correct my sentences and help me to say them right.
So after 6 months I am doing a lot better, I discussed an incidence that proved this to me in my Amigos Aqui post. I am also getting more confidence and Im seeing with confidence confusion can come also. Here is and example: The couple I was talking about before had let Issac and I go out to some property they own out on the river. It was beautiful and Issac and I want to go out there camping some time. So next time I was at the store the husband was there working. He asked how we liked it and I said we loved it and then I said, “Queras Campo.” Thinking I meant that I wanted to go camping some time. Then he proceeded to tell how he goes all the time, and a lot of times with out the wife and family even. Then I’m getting concerned why is this married man telling me he goes camping without his wife when I just told him I want to go camping. Then it hit me. I said Queras not Quero. My inner self is now shaking its head as I finish listening to him tell me about him camping. There is no point in fixing my error now, but I’m glad a figured it out and didn’t go on thinking him a pervert. Once at a little kids birthday party that we went to with the friends from my husbands work I messed up and didn’t get to fix it also. I was standing there watching the kids and the host of the part (one of our friends mom) came up and was asking me something. I had no clue what she was saying. You see when I’m in a public situation like this even the Spanish I do know leaves me I clam up. Thankfully one of our friends came to my rescue and told me she was asking which child was mine. After the mom left I turned to Issacs friend and with a nervous laugh tried to tell her thank you but instead said, “Mucho Gusto” which is nice to meet you. We then moved on to the next activity of the party and it wasn’t till later that night as I was replaying the conversations in my head that I realized my error. Man sometimes you just feel like an idiot. The good thing is this lady is supper tolerant and understands the difficulties of another language and just brushes this stuff off.
These types of things are getting better and I'm so blessed that the one aunt I spoke of is not the only family in town that I can turn to. There are two other aunts and my husbands grandma here to. They are all very good with me and are patient people in general. Also his sister has come to visit twice and she speaks great English. She has told me she will let me know if Im doing something out of the norm because my husband isnt always the best at letting me know.