When my husband and I first started dating we were discussing marriage. Poor guy, the first night he expressed interest I said, "I like you but you need to know, I only date for marriage now, I'm sick of dating." He agreed that he could look at our relationship that way. So before we were even engaged I told him that, I want a lot of kids but don't want to stay home with them. That if we decide that one of us is to stay at home with them it would have to be him. As some of you may know I am a nurse. And not just in the work place but it really is who I am.
Now almost five years later and I'm sitting home all day with my two beautiful daughters. So many people tell me to enjoy this time with them, and I do. I play all day and get to do my crafts, and my blog, and kind of what ever I want. Aside from the fact that I'm in a country that I still after over a year cant speak the language fluently. I suppose language just isn't my skill. I love getting to hang with my girls. I seriously need a break from them though. I feel like I never get a day off. Hanging out with them isn't like being off work because that is my work now. I think I'm going to leave them at home with my husband on his next day off and just go sit at a park for a few hours. Or just walk around town or go downtown or something. Who knows but it will be nice to be alone. You know what even the first day I had to drop off my first daughter to the babysitter I didn't feel that regret or sadness so many women talk about. I was excited to get to work. I think I drove a little fast that first week just to get there. Sure I loved picking her up at the end of the day and at that point I realized that I had missed her but it was totally worth it. Does this make me a bad mom I don't know. I love my kids and will always give them all the love and affection they need but I can do that after a work day also. I want to work. I don't think I can explain to you how strongly I feel about my carrier. Iv worked most of my life in health care and its what I love its what I do and its who I am. Am I happy, sure I am. I'm living under the same roof as my husband and he gets to see our babies every day. That is worth anything. But Iv been lead to believe there might be a chance for me to work, and have my husband in the same country. Not here but in Canada.
Sure I could work in Mexico if I got the work permit. But I don't want to "just" work. Thats not what its ever been about for me. Id rather stay at home with my girls if I was to get any job. But to work as a nurse again that is what I want.
And so I have been applying for work in Canada. So far nothing has come up. I hadn't posted about it yet because there is really nothing to say yet. Supposedly I'm to have an interview soon but who knows. Although I'm trying not to hold my breath I frequently find myself exhaling after. I didn't take this rout before because the whole idea of dealing with an immigration system just makes me sick. And it still does but I often find myself almost in tears when I see nurses. And so my need to work, or to be working as a nurse is going to win over the nervousness. Its time to try and time to look.
Well wish me luck and pray for my nerves. They are already out of control just thinking about the whole immigration thing and the what ifs. Gees cant I just give it a rest and act like a Mexican for once in my life.
Thanks for your transparency and honesty. While I'm not a mother yet, I also cannot see myself as a full-time stay at home mom. For you, it's like trying to cage in your passion and it's clawing to get out. I hope it all works out for you in Canada!! That's a really exciting route to take, and no matter what, your experience here in Mexico is ultimately going to make you a more understanding, patient, and thankful person. I think everyone should live in a developing country for awhile to see how sticky life can get for people.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me think about the music that is inside of you. Awhile back I used to buy these cd's from a church where the Pastor would do amazing speaches and motivations to get you to think about A, being kind and b, following your heart.
ReplyDeleteOne of the cd's had a section that was about, "Don't die with the music inside you". It was about how every person has something inside of them that they want to get out, a dream or motivation that they want to do. And that many people on their death bed wish they had done it.
I applaud you that you KNOW what you want to do, and YOU KNOW, I KNOW, that in Mexico you cannot do it. AND not only that, I know what it is like to be home with 2 small children. It is a blessing and a curse at the same time.
The other thing that jumps out at me is that I know when I am at work, or doing my creative stuff with with time away from the kids, I am a different person than just mommy. I excel in my personality and suprise myself. In a work situation I become more funny, witty, happy, and confident. Somehow this makes me feel more complete on some level. Undoubtedly you feel the same.
So I just want to say, I understand you.
God bless, and yes I did a prayer for you.
h.
ALRIGHT!! I'd be lying if Canada hasn't crossed my mind as well, but like you said about the Immigration. . . STUFF, I've not even begun. BUT you HAVE!! Congrats on taking the first steps that you have!
ReplyDeletePerhaps when a job does come to you, you'll be so excited and feel so renewed that it'll give you a BOOST to start the whole immigration process! :) I'll pray for it for you!
Would it be possible for you to be a nurse in Mexico? I imagine the pay is less but could be a possibility.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel, I also researched Canada a lot before deciding to move to Mex. but it looks like Canada does not want USA deportees ;) I might have not done my homework that well so please make sure you post your progress in this new endeavor.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean I like working too and I do not know what I am going to do when I got to Mexico and not be able to work. I have office skills and everything but I do not know what I could do on a ranch in mexico. I maybe could work at the clinic or hospital because I am fluent in Spanish. I wish I could teach English classes. I think that would be fun. Good Luck Amanda- does it seem easier for him to be able to get a visa to go to Canada?
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean. I have always been someone who enjoys working and enjoys time aways from my kids. The first year that we were in Mexico they were with me ALL the time. My husband works 6 days a week and 12 hours day with travel. I always say..."on the next day off I am going to go and just be by myself." but every time that day comes I want I just want to me all together.
ReplyDeleteThe kids are in school a little bit now but it is only a few hours. I have to work from home as a writer and it is so hard to do with the kids all over the place. You are not a bad mom- we are just in positions that are not concussive to being the types of moms that we want to be.
I have no solution... just a "hey I am with a sister!"
Luckily we are goddesses and can handle it. The men totally crack ! jajaja
Good luck Amanda! Praying for you guys.
ReplyDeleteWhat a turn out on this blog, can you believe Iv been holding this one in for like 3 weeks. Ahhh it feels good to get it out and to get such great responses to it.
ReplyDeleteAlice-I think a mom should always follow her heart and like I said even before I was one I knew I would want to work. But now I really know it.
PV-girl your the one that encouraged this crazyness, thanks for helping with the dream.
Gringa-Take your time seriously it will take awhile once you get started anyway. I waited till I knew I could handle it and believe me its already giving me back flashes and bringing up old feelings and we hardly have started.
Leah- I wish it were so if it were we wouldn't have to immigrate again (although my hubby wants to try anyway) But my Spanish is still very raw and not good enough to work in the healthcare field.
Mama-the lady who wrote the book that is on my blog site (The Trick to living in Mexico) was here in MX because her hubby was denied in the US. She has been living in Canada now for a little over a year on a Perm Res. We will be going on my nursing lic basically as a skilled worker and my whole family will ride on my shirt tales.
Tulum-Its always nice to know there are other mommies who love there babies but just do not want to be with then non stop. Good luck with your writing.
If you ever get to feeling guilty about not wanting to be with your girls every moment of the day, just remember that by having a career you'll be a better mom because (1) when you are with them you will feel more balanced and happy and will be a better mommy for it and (2) you'll be providing an excellent model of how to balance work and family and of being true to yourself. What could be a better model for two young girls?
ReplyDeleteFor some moms staying at home is their best choice (and I support it), but every mom (and dad) has to make the right choice for them. For us, girl, it's having a career as well as a wonderful family. Don't feel guilty about that!
On the topic of Canada - aahhhh! that's one big sigh. We had plans to try to find work in Vancouver while visiting the city, knowing that getting visas is super hard. I even made it there, but my husband wasn't able to meet me b/c he was denied permission to board the plane b/c it made a pit stop in the US and he didn't have a US transit visa (I didn't know that the laws had changed and this was required.) But! You should keep pursuing it. Hang in there! Persevere. Just make sure your hubby gets a direct flight from here to Canada.
Oh, and when you get there... find me a job too, yeah? :)
I'm so glad that you were able to realize that, accept it, and KNOW that you are a GREAT mom. I think all of are going through that same feeling. WE, not hubby, are the ones that ultimately hold this family together... but that is not all that we are here for!!! We ALSO have dreams and aspirations to accomplish... and even though we left the States to be with and support our husbands, does not mean we have thrown out all our dreams.. but simply put them on hold.
ReplyDeleteIts also hard to get that time to yourself... or enjoy a night out with the girls...WHY? because the women are different here and the lack of communication makes things a little, uh, difficult. I get a little bent out sometimes that hubby makes friends left and right... but I have yet to find a friend here in GDL that I can FULLY communicate with, that is married etc... with kids, AND whose husband isn't all macho and stupid, to let her out to a club or a bar to just have a drink and RELAX.
Whatever you plan on doing, I wish you all the success and best of luck.
I understand about the kiddos...it's been months and months since i went somewhere with a child...i love my kids...but it would be nice to get a break sometime! I feel you on this one!
ReplyDeleteLadies like I said before thanks so much for the support. And also as Iv said before I started this blog to "help others" and I find that I get more out of it than I prob give.
ReplyDeleteVadose-So Im totally relying on my nursing lic here they actually have head hunters out there and thats whos helping me
Dreamer- during my freak out my hubby offered to drive me to your casa and drop me off for the night and come get me the next day. ;) But after thinking about it logicaly (why do I always have to think) it seemed silly to have him drive with the girls almost 2hours there and two hours back two days in a row. Although I do think that he may be up for going and staying in Guad and staying in with the girls at night while we go out. I think he has a Sat and Sun off weekend coming up soon. Ill e-mail you.
hi, my name is Nicole and I am married to an "illegal"(I hate that term) from Mexico. We have been together since April of 2006, have a daughter almost 2 and will be married 1 year next month.We filed our I-130 petition in May and are just beginning the process to "hopefully" obtain a Visa for my husband. I have enjoyed reading your blog and am new to the whole "blog thing". I would love to know more about you and your situation, and you mine, but I don't know how to contact you. I hope this comment shows up!! Hope to hear from you soon!
ReplyDeleteAmanda - Canada is MUCH easier... It took Gill and I only 11 months after a simple application process for him to get his residance card. There is a need for nurses in Canada, and I can tell you the process would be easier for your husband too... The only thing - it's EXPENSIVE. Like really expensive to live.... Much more than ppl think... Just keep that in mind, but GREATeST of luck amiga!!!
ReplyDeleteMexican time-Yeah I have looked into the cost of living quite a bit but I think with the nursing wages what they are that we will be doing better there with me working than here with him working and there he can also work unlike here.
ReplyDeleteGringa-Mexi-Hey girl welcome to the world of blogs. I tell you what you have come to the right place as you can see from the comments on this one post there is a lot of support and others who understand what your going through. You can e-mail me at newcreationajh at yahoo dot com any time with any questions I am very open about our situation so never feel bad about asking anything also Im willing to tell you what I can about the visa process. Check out the blogs of all the people who posted here they are all in similar situations. Well most of them anyway. Good luck to you and I look forward to getting to know you.